Getting Honest About Alcohol

Hi there,

Hope you’re enjoying January AKA Dry Jan (if you’re doing it). I am, and three weeks in, I’m feeling the additional energy, calm, presence, and lack of anxiety that comes with giving up alcohol. 

I asked my Instagram community if they were doing Dry Jan and was very fascinated by the results:

As you can see 54% of responders are either experimenting with giving up alcohol, or have already done so permanently. A pretty big number! 

Sober curiosity is something I’ve considered and tried on and off, and meaningfully practiced over the last year as I was recovering from burnout and I’ve experienced huge benefits from it. 

AND at the same time, it’s something I’ve struggled to consistently stick to.

So today, I’d love to get (quite) honest and into the following:

• My complicated relationship with alcohol and experience of sober curiosity 

• The benefits of giving up alcohol 

• Advice for how to navigate going sober in the short or long term

Before we hop in, I wanted to share that I have a website! If you’re a founder or leader and have been wanting to learn more about how I can support you through coaching, check it out. 

If it resonates, book a free strategic consultation call here. I’d be delighted to coach you through a challenge and see if we’re a fit for a longer coaching partnership.

🌊 Where we go deep on a topic at the intersection of entrepreneurship and personal development.

WHAT IS SOBER CURIOSITY?

To be sober curious, according to author Ruby Warrington in her book Sober Curious, means questioning the role alcohol plays in your life—without necessarily committing to giving it up forever. According to Ruby, it’s about:

• Noticing when and why you drink

• Asking yourself if alcohol is actually helping you unwind, connect, or feel better

• Exploring what life might look like with less (or no) alcohol—even just for a short period

• Sober curiosity doesn’t come from a place of judgment, shame, or perfection. It’s about creating room to make conscious choices.

According to recent studies, nearly 40% of US consumers follow a “sober curious” lifestyle, meaning they are actively reducing or eliminating their alcohol consumption. It's a trend that’s gaining momentum, with many Americans (and especially Gen Z’s) reporting interest in reducing alcohol for reasons like physical health, mental wellbeing and saving money. 

I’m curious how this stacks up within this community. Tell me, have you experimented with cutting out alcohol?

MY EXPERIENCE WITH ALCOHOL AND SOBER CURIOSITY

This is probably my ~8th year doing Dry Jan. Most of the time I’ve made it to the end of Jan, sometimes I’d extend way past the end of the month, other times I didn’t make it past a couple of weeks into the month.

I’ve taken many extended pauses from drinking over the last year or so as I was recovering from burnout and experiencing chronic fatigue. It seemed like a kindness to a nervous system that was overwhelmed and didn’t need any additional stress while healing.

And yet, despite the benefits I’ve experienced — better sleep, more energy, less anxiety — I haven’t given up alcohol entirely. 

I’ve had a kind of complicated relationship with alcohol over the years.

I started drinking in high school, wanting to fit in, to feel cooler, to rebel a little bit from my straight edge upbringing. And my choice to drink came with complications. My mom has never drank alcohol in her life, and had decided she didn’t want her daughters drinking either (obviously this was well-meaning). The tension between her view and my own desire to drink with my friends, created a lot of conflict, and ultimately I took on a lot of shame around drinking that has stuck with me for years. I developed a view that when I drank, I was bad, shameful, or a disgrace. And that shame and feeling of being “bad” only amplified my desire to rebel through drinking. My junior year in high school (Grade 11 for Canadians) ended with me blacking out at prom and my mom having to come pick me up before I could set foot in the afterparty.

Soon enough I was out of the house and away at university, where my school had a pretty well-known drinking culture. It was deeply ingrained into the social life and extracurricular activities of my business program, and broader campus life. At the time, I wanted terribly to belong, to project a persona of this effortlessly smart, high-performing student who was able to balance good grades, extracurriculars and recruiting with a thriving, alcohol-fueled social life. I can see now the masking, striving and partying was founded on a subconscious belief that the person I was underneath wasn’t enough. This manifested in drinking multiple times a week, often to the point of blacking out and hooking up with people I felt nothing for, just to fill some kind of a void and prove that I was pretty, cool, desirable… lovable.

After graduating, I started my young professional life in Toronto. As a CPA in audit, my job was incredibly out of alignment for me and thus terribly draining. I dreaded it, and I lived for the weekend — which often started on a Thursday night and ended with a sad case of the Sunday Scaries. It was also around this time that my misalignment in my career and life and search for more meaning led me to yoga, mindfulness, and spirituality. I still can’t believe I’d wake up at 5:00AM every weekday morning to go to Ashtanga, feel some semblance of inner peace in my post-Savasana walk home, drain my energy at work and unwind with a glass of wine and the Bachelor with my roommate in the evening. 

This period of beginning to explore spirituality offered me glimmers from my soul that there was another way of finding the peace, connection and alignment I sought. I can now see the parallel between my budding spirituality and dependence on alcohol which similarly offered fleeting moments of release, connection, boldness, and the ability to act like what felt more like my true, unrestricted self without a mask.

The first time I experienced a more intrinsic desire to drink less (aka not the hungover, regret-fueled “I need to stop drinking”s) was when I started The GIST. For the first time I was feeling way more in alignment with my work. It felt like I was meant to be an entrepreneur. I had something to wake up for on weekday and weekend mornings alike to work on because it was so intrinsically motivating. Also relevant: I was adjusting to a founder salary (aka none lol), and couldn’t afford to go out very often anymore. Although, at that point in my life I was in a volatile, possessive long-distance relationship, which contributed to me going out less when I was in Toronto where I lived, (but conversely drinking more when I was visiting my then partner in New York, as it was something we thought brought us closer. Ultimately, it just made us get into big fights most of the time).

Over time, and as that relationship ended, we entered the COVID years, my demands at work intensified, I deepened my own inner work, attracted a more aligned relationship (my now fiancé) and my relationship with alcohol improved. As my responsibilities and stress as a founder were growing, I knew I couldn’t afford to be hungover, and drank less. Although I would sometimes still reach for a glass of wine at the end of the week as a way to unwind from the stress or connect with my roommate or partner.

And as my burnout started to creep up, as the misalignment from my role I was feeling really started to manifest in my body, I continued to turn to alcohol as a way to numb what was happening. (Perhaps this behavior was magnified by living in a city like New York where “getting outside” means enjoying a nice noon glass of natural wine on the patio — read sidewalk — in the summer.)

Throughout this whole period, every time I completed Dry Jan, I would feel so much better — more energy, more calm, clarity, hope and connection to myself. But every time something would come up — a wedding, a bachelorette, a trip — where I wanted alcohol to be a part of the experience, I'd fall back into the habit. I wasn’t setting myself up for long term success because I wasn’t ready to face the WHY behind my drinking.

When I burned out in the summer of 2023, I knew I couldn’t deal with the added stress of alcohol as I was recovering, grieving my transition, and figuring out who the heck I was and what I wanted to do next. And so I took many extended pauses from drinking last year. It was a very introspective time and in that period, I was finally ready to face why I drank. And that took digging into my core wounds, my shadow, relating with my inner child. It took understanding why I had gotten so out of alignment from my soul in the first place. It took facing hard relationships, seeing how repressed emotions and trauma were stored in my body, and showing up for myself in new ways. 

Over the years (and especially in the last 18 months), as my spirituality and healing have deepened, I’ve been able to take steps towards a life that’s more in alignment for me — quitting my corporate job to start The GIST, moving to New York City, calling in a great life partner, transitioning out of my startup after burning out, launching a personal development platform for founders, showing up more authentically online and IRL…

And consequently I’ve created a life that feels more like… me. And it’s been less frequent that I’ve reached for alcohol to escape a misaligned life, experience more calm, have the courage to be my authentic self, connect with others more deeply. I can do all of those things sober now, for the most part. And that feels pretty great!

My relationship with alcohol is a lot healthier these days as a result. I haven’t given it up entirely. I’m not sure yet if that’s my intention. Maybe my goal is just to be in a much less charged relationship with alcohol and still be able to enjoy it in moderation, on occasion. Or maybe there comes a day when I acknowledge that it doesn’t serve my life in any way and I give it up entirely. I’m not sure yet. But I’m trying to stay honest and open with myself about what’s going on underneath. 

If you have a relationship with alcohol that isn’t serving you, I’d encourage you to get curious:  “Why are you reaching for that drink in the first place?”

The courage to look honestly at those answers could have the power to change your life.

In the time that I’ve experimented with sober curiosity, I’ve done a lot of reading and listening and trying to understand more about the experience of giving up alcohol and the healing that goes hand in hand with it. And so today I want to share all of that with you, in case sober curiosity is something you’re contemplating or giving a try too.

THE BENEFITS OF GIVING UP ALCOHOL

PHYSICAL BENEFITS

The immediate benefits you’ll likely see from giving up alcohol for even just a month include: lower blood pressure, improved liver function, losing weight, a glowing complexion and better sleep. The last one is huge for me. When I give up alcohol, I sleep so much better and see the numbers reflected in my Oura ring data — more deep and REM sleep, improved ability for my body to recover, lower heart rate and heart rate variability (HRV). And I also feel the difference in my days — I’m more present when I’m coaching, am more resourced to handle stress, have higher emotional capacity and productivity.

Some of the long term benefits of giving up alcohol include reducing the risk of cancer, infection & illness, diabetes complications, obesity and fatty liver disease and heart complications — aka prolonging your life!

LESS ANXIETY

Anyone else wake up hungover and your anxieties are amplified 10x? There’s a name for that and it’s hangxiety. Hangxiety occurs because drinking alcohol dumps a flood of dopamine into the pleasure center of your brain and also produces physiological changes in the brain that cause you to feel relaxed and calm. When you stop drinking, dopamine levels dip back down and you experience withdrawal symptoms. Add interrupted sleep to the mix and feelings of depression and anxiety get worse.

Especially for people that already have less regulated nervous systems, and are already prone to going into fight or flight (whether from genes, trauma, environment, etc.), adding alcohol makes it even worse.

From waking up and worrying about what you said last night, to the intensification of your everyday worries, to just a general sense of existential dread, this is one of my least favorite things about drinking. And it can be avoided.

MORE CLARITY, PRESENCE & CONNECTION TO SELF

Once I’ve gone a few weeks without alcohol, I feel a lot more clear headed, more calm and present, and a deeper sense of connection to myself and the universe. It’s easier to meditate, to listen to my body, to receive creative pings.

I also generally feel more resourced to do healing work, to navigate conflict with more compassion, to see myself in a more positive light, to feel more hopeful about the future. And I’m also able to be more honest with myself, about why I do reach for a drink, or why I do seek certain things for ego purposes. It’s easier to be more present with emotions in my body, and more present with my different inner parts. 

And to be honest, when I think about the spiritual gurus I look up to — none of them drink… you wouldn’t catch Deepak Chopra or Pema Chodron sipping a glass of pinot. As someone who aspires to deepen my spirituality, that’s not something I ignore.

MORE ENERGY & PRODUCTIVITY

Another benefit of giving up alcohol is increased productivity. Mood, levels of concentration, and memory all improve as you cut alcohol. You may also experience a better ability to handle stress as your nervous system is more resourced and able to healthily toggle between fight or flight and come back to rest & digest, which is helpful for clear decision-making, creative thinking and problem solving, navigating tough conversations and stressful work events like a high stakes sales call or presentation.

MORE HONEST AND DEEPER CONNECTIONS

I know many of us drink because it makes us feel more open and vulnerable in our relationships and we feel it helps foster deeper connections with people. But if your relationship with someone is built on the times that you drink together, and you feel you need alcohol to open up with them, they might not actually be a true friend. Abstaining from alcohol when you hang out with your people — your friends, partner, colleagues — can show you who your body actually relaxes around and feels safe opening up to, without the crutch of alcohol. When I reflect on the people that I’m closest to in my life, they’re the ones that I know I can enjoy going for a walk outside with as much or more than grabbing a glass of wine with. 

This is also true for even your partner! If you feel more connected when you’re drinking together than the rest of the time, I hate to say it but, that’s a problem. Not to mention the fights! If you’re in the habit of bottling things up and letting the truth fly out when you drink, in the context where you’re each the LEAST resourced to understand and hold space for each other, that’s not good either.

ADVICE FOR THE SOBER/SOBER CURIOUS LIFESTYLE

GET CLEAR ON YOUR PURPOSE

Like anything that you do, getting clear on your purpose before starting can help you feel more devoted to your intention. So if you’re doing Dry Jan, or trying 90 days of no drinking, or getting sober entirely, align to your why.

• Is it about the physical benefits? You want to sleep better? Have more energy for working out? Eat better? 

• Is it about the mental and emotional benefits? Less anxiety? Improved mood? Better focus? 

• Is it about showing up for yourself? Stopping acting in ways that are out of integrity for you? Is it about deepening your connection to intuition, self, and the universe? Is it about healing yourself?

• Is it about improving your relationships? Cultivating deeper connections? Stopping the fighting that happens when you drink? 

• Something else?

Articulating a why that you can come back to when you’re tempted to cave can be instrumental.

FIND INSPIRATION

Something that really helped me articulate and deepen my why was finding inspiration from people who had quit alcohol and had really powerful why’s themselves. Laura McKowen has been my absolute favorite author for this. I devoured her books We Are the Luckiest and Push Off From Here, which tell her story and advice around getting sober and living an awakened life. I also loved Ruby Warrington’s Sober Curious and proceeded to listen to many episodes of her podcast. I was also quite captivated by Sarah Levy’s memoir: Drinking Games. I appreciated her vulnerability and openness about navigating her relationship with alcohol as a young person in NYC and it made me feel seen and less ashamed. There are a TON of amazing books beyond the ones I mentioned, so find the ones that resonate with you!

ADJUST YOUR INFLUENCES

In a culture where alcohol is glamorized by the media and the people in our everyday lives alike, being conscious of the information you’re taking in can be powerful. Ever heard the saying that you become the five people closest to you? That’s just being human. So it’s important to critically consider who you follow on social media, what TV you watch (doesn’t the Bachelor make you want to just grab a glass of wine?), the friends you surround yourself with. It’s easy to feel like consuming alcohol is the norm and that you’re the odd one out if you don’t. But you can intentionally adjust your information inputs and expanders to create a new definition of “normal” that doesn’t centralize alcohol in experiences of vacation, celebration, socializing, parenting, networking, or building a startup. There are people who are successfully doing these things without alcohol — you just need to find them and surround yourself with them. 

SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS

Find the spaces, activities and friends that don’t involve alcohol. When you're fresh into the sober lifestyle, meeting your friends at a bar or engaging in an activity where you know alcohol will be prominent or even central, is making things unnecessarily hard on yourself. Find friends that don’t drink or are taking a break from alcohol and hit a yoga or pilates class, go for a walk outside, or have them over for dinner. It can be helpful to create a go-to list of non-drinking activities you’re into that you can suggest as an alternative when someone asks you to grab a drink.

If you live with a partner or roommate, invite them to join you in giving up alcohol, or at the very least see if they’re open to not keeping alcohol in the house, and not drinking at home while you’re around. 

FIND A REPLACEMENT

Sometimes we’re attached to an alcoholic drink because of the significance we assign to it or the feeling we think we’ll experience — it’s celebratory, it’s for winding down, it’s a luxurious pairing to a nice dinner. In those cases, it can be useful to have something at the ready to replace it with. You could try a non-alcoholic beer or wine, a zero-proof cocktail or a functional beverage. With the prevalence of sober and sober curious lifestyles, there are SO many fun drinks on the market these days. Some of my personal favorites are Brez and this flavor of Kin Euphorics (so good!). If you’re into beer, you’d be surprised how many of your favorite brands are making NA versions. I like Bellwoods’ NA Jelly King Sour. There are even functional, NA spirits like Aplos and Seedlip, that you can make fresh mocktails with. Many cocktail bars these days offer zero-proof cocktails that use these on their menus.

If your friends are going to meet at a bar and you want to go, propose somewhere that has non-alcoholic options — it’s more common than you’d think. At the very least, have an alternative go-to drink at the ready — maybe it’s tonic water with some bitters and lime, which has cocktail vibes.

FIND YOUR COMMUNITY

Especially if you’re going to be practicing sobriety or sober curiosity long term, find your people that are sober. It might get tiring to continue going back to the friends that are in the habit of centering hanging out around alcohol. In my experience, many of the people that have chosen sobriety or sober curiosity have some serious depth to them. It takes strength to choose a lifestyle that runs counter to our culture. And many sober people have experienced the awakening that comes from the rock bottoms or messages from their higher selves that motivate people to get sober. Start with your network — maybe there’s someone close to you that’s also been considering this lifestyle and could be an accountability buddy. Look for sober curious events and meetups in your city. There are even alcohol-free bars and popups these days. And there are online communities you can join, like Laura McKowen’s The Luckiest Club, which is launching a Sober 90 day challenge in March 2025.

TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME

If you want to quit alcohol long term, but are intimidated by everything it entails “giving up” — the wild alcohol-fueled bachelorettes and weddings, wine in Europe, etc. — just… take it one day at a time. Giving up alcohol today isn’t in any way dictating what you have to do in the future. Start with 30 days, check in, and see if you want to do another 30. And go from there. We hold ourselves back from starting on the first 30 days because we’re scared of what it might mean for the rest of our lives. Just start, and see what happens. 

GET CURIOUS

When you take a pause from alcohol, it's a great time to do a bit of self-reflection about its role in your life. You can start with the reflection questions below, and perhaps expand your introspection with any of the books, community or other advice shared throughout this newsletter. 

Alright, thanks so much for reading this deep dive. It was a vulnerable one for me to share. If it resonated, it would mean the world if you hit reply and let me know! 

🪞 Your turn to reflect. Take these prompts to your morning journal or talk it over with a friend or coach.

1. What role is alcohol playing in my life? 

2. Is it serving me?

3. What’s fueling my desire to drink?

4. What would it be like to stop drinking for 30 days? 90? A year?

5. What benefits would I experience? What’s my “why” for trying?

6. What hestitations or concerns come up? How I support myself through those?

7. If I want to try being sober temporarily or long term, how can I set myself up for success?

🤿 If you want to go deeper than the deep dive, I curated these resources especially for you. <3

READ

• As mentioned above, Laura McKowen’s We Are the Luckiest and Push Off From Here

• Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington, a thoughtful relatable book detailing the benefits of experimenting with giving up alcohol.

• Drinking Games by Sarah Levy is a memoir, social critique and exploration into the role alcohol has in our formative adult lives.

• These 3 books I haven’t read yet but have on my list: Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray and Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love by Amanda E. White.

LISTEN

• The Sober Curious podcast with Ruby Warrington — I particularly liked this episode with the founder of Athletic Brewing Co. (a prominent alcohol-free craft brewery).

• This episode and this one of We Can Do Hard Things with Laura McKowen as guest.

• This episode of Fried. The Burnout Podcast gets into the relationship between alcohol and burnout. 

COMMUNITY

• Laura McKowen’s Luckiest Club.

DRINK

Some of my favorite NA drink alternatives

• Brez

• Kin Euphorics

• Ghia

• Athletic Brewing and

• I love to browse for new options at Boisson (a non-alcohol drinks retailer)

• 1:1 Coaching: If you’re serious about levelling up your work and life you can book a 45-minute strategic coaching consultation to explore working with me.

• Let’s be friends: If you want to see the BTS of building Within and receive more tips and ideas on building with integrity, connect with me on LinkedIn and Instagram.

Congrats on investing in yourself by reading today’s newsletter! I’m so grateful to have you here.

With love,
Roslyn 💚