How to Gather With Intention

Hi there,

I know last week was pretty heavy for many of us, and I hope you’re taking care of yourself. I wrote a little about how I reacted to the news on LinkedIn. 

There are a couple of reasons I picked the topic for today’s newsletter which is all about gathering with intention. 

One is that we’re in a time when many of us are feeling division and disconnection, we’re having a hard time understanding one another, we’re identifying with fear instead of love. And it’s in times like these that meaningful gathering and community are more important than ever.

The second is that I’m feeling inspired after celebrating my bachelorette two weekends ago. I had my closest friends fly in from all over the world to reconnect and spend some quality time together in New York and the Hamptons. I couldn’t have asked for a better weekend. And I know that part of the reason for that was the intentionality behind the planning.

In today’s newsletter, I want to get into:

• How you can bring more intentionality into how you gather — both for work and for play (using my own bachelorette as an example!)

• Resources I LOVE on this topic and prompts for reflecting on your own gatherings

• Spotlighting an incredible expander in the gathering space 

One more thing before we jump in, I had a great conversation about burnout, recovery and reinvention with Jen Kelly on her Grit & Grace Podcast — you can listen here.

🌊 Where we go deep on a topic at the intersection of entrepreneurship and personal development.

WHY GATHER WITH INTENTION?

Connection and community are basic human needs, ones that contribute immensely to the quality of our lives.

Gatherings allow us to connect and be in community with one another. They enable us to come together, to see, hear and understand one another, to heal and do meaningful work together. 

Gatherings help us combat loneliness, depression, and feelings of separation. They empower us to join forces to effect positive change. They shape how we think, how we feel and how we view the world around us. 

In times when so many of us are feeling disconnected, curating meaningful gatherings is a hugely important skill both in our work and in personal settings. 

Organizations that are able to bring more purpose and connection into how they gather are better positioned to attract and engage the best people, to accomplish goals and to fulfill missions. On a personal level, bringing intention into gatherings leaves us feeling more satisfied in our relationships and connected to our communities.

From team offsites, conferences, and meetings to birthday parties, weddings and meetups, adding intention to how we gather can make our events feel all the more meaningful and memorable. 

Because I’m getting married in March and knew that I wanted to be extremely intentional about planning my wedding and bachelorette, I picked up a copy of Priya Parker’s The Art of Gathering and also signed up for her online wedding planning course to learn how to design these events with purpose and vision.

Today I’m going to share some of the principles I’ve learned about gathering. I’ll give examples from my own bachelorette, but know that you can take these away and apply them to any of your own gatherings.

I hope that you’ll use them to bring a sense of connection, collaboration, and community to those around you, to effect positive change, and to increase love, compassion and understanding of one another.

HOW TO GATHER WITH INTENTION

1. START WITH A PURPOSE

The biggest mistake we make when gathering is that we skip defining a purpose. We assume that the purpose is obvious, when in fact, it’s not. 

Take a bachelorette for example. Some might assume the purpose is to reunite as friends and reminisce on shared memories. Some might say it’s for bonding amongst the bride's closest friends prior to the wedding. And some might say it’s for the guests to get really drunk and escape their lives for a weekend. Clearly this can get confusing and lead to potentially unwanted behaviors unless the purpose is specifically set. 

According to Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, a purpose should answer why you are gathering in the first place and reflect an understanding of your desired outcome. It should serve as a decision-making filter throughout the event planning process and inform the event design, location, timing, attendees, and structure. 

Giving the example of my bachelorette, my purpose was to connect deeply with my closest friends in a fun and relaxing setting, to invite in new ways of being in friendship at our current stage of life, and to celebrate this beautiful once-in-a-lifetime occasion of committing to my life partner.

I even broke it down into the following intentions, which I texted our group chat the day before the event:

For your own gatherings, you might consider:

• What’s the purpose of the gathering? 

• What’s your desired outcome? 

• What’s the need you’re hoping to address by gathering people? 

• Who is it for?

And get specific. For instance, it might be easy to say that the purpose of a work offsite is to “increase bonding between teammates”. But it might be more powerful to say that the purpose of the offsite is “to increase connection between remote workers in order to strengthen employee engagement and improve cross-functional collaboration related to [xyz project] ahead of Q4”. You can see how the second one will provide more guidance in the design of the event.

2. SETTING THE SCENE

The next thing to consider is how you will bring your gathering’s purpose to life through the design of the gathering. This considers factors like group size, length, timing, location and activities. 

When I was reflecting on how to design my bachelorette to serve its purpose, I looked at:

• Location & activities: I chose to host my bachelorette one night in NYC and two nights in the Hamptons. Because I wanted to connect with my friends through both fun and also more relaxed quality time, we did one big night out in the city on Halloween before heading to the Hamptons for some fall walks outside, bocce on the beach at sunset, a few nice meals and winery visits, and spending one evening on the couch doing breathwork, journaling and shadow work.

• Group size: Because part of my purpose was deep connection, I prioritized intimacy over it feeling like a party. I invited eight women for the full weekend and extended the invite to a few additional local NYC friends to join for the first night in the city.

• Timing: First and foremost I wanted to pick a weekend everyone could attend since the “who” was most important to me. But after that, I considered keeping it close to the wedding and also LOVED that it was over Halloween weekend and the Scorpio New Moon so I could incorporate the fun of dressing up in costume and an element of spookiness to the overall weekend. This just felt really fun for my inner child.

• Length: The overall weekend was three nights — and that felt like the right amount of time for people to disconnect from their day to day and step into the alternate universe of the bachelorette in order to relax, play, connect, and celebrate.

A few things to consider related to structure and form for planning your next gathering:

The form of the event should serve the purpose and the need you’re trying to address by gathering. For example, if the purpose of your virtual team offsite is for people to form deeper connections with one another, then a facilitated workshop with breakout discussions will work better than a keynote speaker. 

Ensuring the space you select serves the gathering’s purpose and creates the vibe you’re going for. An intimate panel on a vulnerable topic will be more well-suited to a more comfortable and cozy space rather than a classroom or sectioned off ballroom.

The group size should serve the purpose of the gathering. Priya Parker shares magic numbers for different purposes:

• 6: great for intimacy and conversation

• 8-12: buzzy dinner party vibe, can contain more diversity

• 30: fun party/networking night

• 120: larger community moment

Also important to note is that more isn’t always the merrier. Sometimes excluding people allows for a better experience for the attendees that are there. For example if you’re running an event for a segment of your customers focused on a very specific topic, allowing people to bring a +1 could water down the quality of discussion and connection.

The timing serves the form and purpose. Is it the right time of day or season given the purpose? 

3. CREATE AN EFFECTIVE, POWERFUL INVITATION

Your invitation is the first impression someone has of the gathering.

A good invitation not only conveys the date, time and place, but it also gives the gathering a name, conveys its purpose, signals who it’s for, sets context and orients the guest to their expected role.

I sent an initial invite to my friends for my bachelorette via our group chat and named the gathering “Roslyn’s Spooky NYC/Hamptons Bachelorette”. I wanted to convey:

• The setting and high level itinerary for the bachelorette so people could develop expectations around how they’d be spending their time.

• The theme of it being spooky and taking place over Halloween, with the expectation that they lean into the fun and nostalgia of dressing up in costume and celebrating Halloween.

• The fact that it’s a bachelorette and that part of their role as an attendee and one of my closest friends is to celebrate me as a bride.

• They could also see in the Whatsapp group who else is invited.

I also created a little moodboard and itinerary in Figma to really communicate the vibe, values and activities of the event.

For your next gathering, consider how you can send an invite that:

• Orients your guests to what the event is

• Signals to your guests the role you want them to play

• Communicates the offer or promise of the event

• Uses tone, word choice, and design to give a sense of the vibe and expectations

If it’s a work-related event, can you get a little more creative than just sending a basic email? Can you design something in canva or figma that uses colors, fonts and imagery to communicate the vibe?

If it’s a themed birthday party, how can you inject the purpose, theme, and vibe into the text to your group chat and communicate how you want people to show up and the energy you want them to embody? 

4. OPENING

How you open up an event can significantly set the tone for the event. As Priya Parker says, “every gathering is an opportunity to create a temporary alternative world”, so don’t overlook how you usher your guests into the event. 

The moment between a guest’s arrival and the moment the gathering formally begins is a critical part of the experience. 

At my bachelorette, because my guests were arriving into the city at different times, I chose the first afternoon activity to be hanging out at the hotel’s outdoor pool, barrel saunas, cold and hot tubs while waiting for everyone else to arrive. This threshold we hung out in before the first event signaled a departure from our day-to-day lives and the beginning of a weekend of fun, relaxation and connection, an effective step into the alternative world the bachelorette weekend would provide. 

At dinner the first night, I took a moment to thank everyone for being there and acknowledge how sacred it was to have my best friends there to celebrate this time in my life. I asked the group do a round of intros with people sharing where they’re from, how they know me and what they were proudest of in 2024.

As you consider the opening for your own gathering, you may wish to think about:

• Sharing the purpose of the event

• Sharing who’s in the room and why they matter

• Creating context and meaning

• Making it feel personal and authentic to you 

5. THE CONNECTIVE ROLE OF HOST 

Human connection happens when people can authentically be themselves and be seen for all the parts of themselves. As the host, you set the tone for this. Your willingness to be real, vulnerable and open invites others to do the same. 

Priya Parker teaches the notion of “generous authority”, which means not sitting back, but stepping into a leadership role as host to foster connection amongst attendees.

As someone who leans more on the introvert/ambivert side of the spectrum, I really appreciate when a host thoughtfully designs an event that encourages all of the guests to participate and genuinely connect.

At my bachelorette, every meal had one question each person had to answer, that really got people thinking and sharing. A few examples were:

• What’s one thing that’s been going well and one thing that’s been challenging in your relationship recently? (Each person in the group was partnered so this didn’t exclude anyone.)

• What are you seeking from your friendships in your 30’s? 

• Eventually questions about what people loved about me and my partner surfaced, which I was incredibly moved by. 🥹

I also facilitated a Scorpio new moon, shadow work-themed circle one evening, where we went QUITE deep into what’s been lurking in each of our shadows. Tears were shed, truths were heard and accepted and ultimately it brought us closer together.

As you think about an event you’re hosting, experiment with preparing a few questions or conversation topics that:

• Allow for various levels of risk/depth

• Elicit a story

• Shed light on people’s motivations

• Allow people to have many parts of themselves

• Connect back to the purpose in the some way

• Be relevant to the gathering 

I remember when I used to be involved in GIST offsites, we’d kick things off with having people answer a couple of fun questions that allowed us to see different versions of one another. Things like: “In an alternate universe, what career would you be in?” or “What are your personal intentions for the new year?” 

6. WRAP IT UP WITH MEANING

Finally, allow people to leave with takeaways from the event, reflecting on what they learned, appreciated or got out of it. 

At my bachelorette, there were a few ways we closed out strong:

• The morning of departure, my friends created a scrapbook for me with polaroid pictures taken throughout the weekend, documenting memories we made, and leaving sweet notes. 

• I asked everyone to share their favorite moment(s) from the weekend on the ride home.

• After everyone had gone their separate ways, I sent a message thanking everyone for their presence and making me feel so special and shouting out key contributors.

For your next event, consider how you can leave people reflecting on what they took away from the event.

• What do you want to highlight and leave people feeling with your closing words? 

• Could you send out a summary of key points learned at the event? 

• Can you encourage or provide a way for people to stay connected with those they met and spent time with at the gathering?

TAKEAWAYS

By bringing intentionality to how we envision and plan our events, we can add more meaning for our attendees, foster deeper connection, and effect greater change. 

I had so much fun planning a meaningful and intentional weekend for my closest friends and I hope you’ll come back to some of these principles for the next gathering you’re organizing too!

🪞 Your turn to reflect. Take these prompts to your morning journal or talk it over with a friend or coach.

• What’s your favorite gathering you’ve attended recently and what made it so special?

• Anything you can take away and apply yourself for the next gathering you host?

• For an upcoming event you’re planning, what’s the purpose of the event? (Consider the need for gathering, the desired outcome and who it’s for.)

• How can you ensure your invitation communicates the purpose, vibe and role of the guests in the gathering?

• What are some ways you will intentionally open and close your event?

• What’s a question you’d like to pose at your next event that will allow you to connect with your guests on a deeper level?

🤿 If you want to go deeper than the deep dive, I curated these resources especially for you. <3

• Read: Obviously, The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker. If this newsletter piqued your interest and you want to learn more,  Priya has sooo much goodness to share about intentional gathering. If a whole book isn’t for you, she has an awesome newsletter and is active on social too. 

• Learn: I also recommend Priya’s Art of Gathering course. I took the wedding edition of it specifically for my upcoming wedding but can highly recommend the original course too.

💥 We’re not really about Forbes 30u30 over here. We’re shining a light on the founders and coaches building from the heart and keeping it real.

Today’s expander, Marika Frumes, is a purpose-led founder and super star in the gathering space. She’s the founder of Mysha Pods, a community that supports women in the transition to motherhood by curating intimate connections and facilitated experiences. 

The idea for Mysha was born out of Marika’s own personal need as she transitioned through pregnancy and becoming a mom, feeling all of the physical, mental and emotional discomforts that come with such a significant change, and feeling a strong desire to be around women going through the same things. “Being around other women who are sharing what they’re going through is an act of processing, an act of therapy,” she says.

Mysha places expecting moms with shared birth months into pods together and provides them with intimate community, thoughtful events and helpful community-sourced resources. I’ve joked with Marika that one of the things I’m most excited for in becoming a mom is getting to join the Mysha community because I’ve observed the care and intentionality she puts into planning Mysha events and facilitating connection amongst the community. 

Evidently purpose-led gathering and a commitment to the value of community has been a huge factor in Mysha’s growth. According to Marika, “The more moms know this is an option, the more harmony we’re going to create for them and the world”.

Whether you’re looking for inspiration on how to gather with intention or are about to transition into motherhood, you can follow Marika and Mysha.

Know a founder who’s building with integrity and purpose that should be featured as an expander? Let me know here.

• 1:1 Coaching: If you want to feel more aligned and less burnt out, you can book a 30-minute consultation to explore working with me.

• Let’s be friends: If you want to see the BTS of building Within and receive more tips and ideas on building with integrity, connect with me on LinkedIn and Instagram.

I’d be so grateful for your feedback. How did you like this edition of the newsletter? 🙏

Good luck with all of your beautiful gatherings.

Appreciate you being here,
Roslyn 💚