👋 Hi my name is Roslyn, I’m a 2x founder and executive coach. I help founders fall in love with building their companies again. Learn about working 1:1 here.

Hi there,

Two weeks ago I wrote about how to heal from a co-founder breakup.

Today I want to offer ideas for those that are currently IN a co-founder relationship, on how to make it a beautiful container for mutual care, growth and unfolding into your best selves.

You guys, I am giving away my coaching secrets here! These are the things I do with my clients to make them feel seen, validated, and capable as leaders in their companies.

In this newsletter I’m telling you how to do it with your co-founder so you can be the loving support you need for EACH OTHER.

So today we’ll get into:

• Benefits of a healthy co-founder relationship

• What are normal psychological needs?

• Practices for building a super strong co-founder partnership

Also, if you’re in NYC, join us for our next Within Walk on November 7th.

Where we go deep on the outer work or the inner work of building a startup.

How to Have a Healthy Co-Founder Relationship

WHY YOU NEED A HEALTHY CO-FOUNDER RELATIONSHIP

Co-founder relationships are meaningful. Many of us spend as much or more time with our co-founders as we do with our other major relationships in life. And because work plays such a big role in shaping our identity, our co-founder has an enormous influence on how we see ourselves.

Your co-founder relationship is more than a business partnership. It’s a container for self-development.

When we approach it unconsciously, it can become a mirror for old relationship patterns—approval-seeking, people-pleasing, comparison, judgment, or resentment.

For example:

• Looking to your co-founder for approval to feel “enough”

• People-pleasing to stay safe

• Comparing yourself and feeling small

• Judging them for not being enough—because deep down, you believe that about yourself

When we assume the worst about ourselves or our co-founders, avoid setting boundaries, shy away from hard conversations, or blame our co-founders when things aren’t going as we’d hoped, shame, mistrust and resentment take up residence in our hearts, minds and bodies. We lose connection, we feel unsafe, and our sense of self-worth erodes.

On the flip side, when we approach the relationship with consciousness, it can become a space for mutual love, support, and growth. When you see the best in each other, address issues with both strength and compassion, you create an environment where both partners can unfold into more capable, self-trusting leaders.

When we get our needs met in a relationship, we develop a healthier sense of self and a more optimistic view of the world. We become more self-accepting and confident. We believe that the world is safe, that our dreams are possible, and that we can carry them out.

This is obviously a powerful state for founders to exist in because building companies is hard. Wouldn’t you rather you and your co-founder feel confident and self-assured through fundraising, sales, partnerships, and managing a team?

You want to be in business with someone who has a strong sense of self-worth—because that person communicates vision and values with resonance. They lead with presence, compassion, and clarity. And when both people feel supported and seen, their nervous systems regulate, unlocking creativity, problem-solving, and intuition.

This is all good stuff right?

So how can we create this healthy co-founder relationship that unlocks all that? 

UNDERSTANDING OUR NORMAL PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS

According to psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut, we all have “normal psychological needs” (he called them normal narcissistic needs). These needs are essential to healthy development: they include our sense of self-worth, our capacity for ambition, and our ability to connect meaningfully with others.

Because ego development happens in relationship, we learn a lot of who we are through our interactions with others. When these needs are met, we grow into grounded, confident adults. When they’re not, we seek those unmet needs later, often through our co-founders.

Here are the key psychological needs to understand:

1. MIRRORING

• The need to feel seen, understood, and valued exactly as we are.

• We’ve all had moments where we open up to a co-founder and they immediately jump to fixing the problem. The intention is good, but it can leave us feeling unseen.

• What we really need is for them to help us feel felt, to acknowledge what’s here instead of treating us like a problem to be fixed.
  

2. IDEALIZATION

• The desire to feel protected or inspired by someone more capable or wise.

• As founders, we often experience this with mentors, investors, other leaders we admire, and sometimes our co-founders!

• It’s healthy when it helps us grow, but ultimately we must find that source of wisdom within ourselves.
  

3. TWINSHIP

• The need to feel a sense of sameness and shared humanity.

• It’s the relief that comes when your co-founder says, “Me too.” Suddenly, you realize you’re not the only one struggling, and that sense of kinship restores perspective.
  

4. SELF-DELINEATION

• The need to articulate what we feel and think with someone who helps us understand it.

• Sometimes we just need to call up our co-founder and talk a challenge out and have them actively listen with curiosity. That process helps us understand ourselves better.
  

5. VALIDATION

• The need for our subjective experiences to be acknowledged as real and valid.

• Feelings don’t have to be agreed with or justified, they just need to be recognized. Like when we come out of an investor meeting and say to our co-founder: “That guy made me feel small. Was it just me or did you get misogynistic vibes?” and they say “Oh yes, I noticed that too”.

• When we aren’t met in this way, our self-worth erodes.
  

6. EFFICACY

• The need to know we can have a positive impact on others.

• When we contribute meaningfully to the relationship and the world, we reinforce our sense of capability and value.
  

7. SUPPORTIVE ADVERSARIES

• The need for trusted people who challenge us lovingly.

• The best relationships include gentle opposition—someone who asks hard questions, invites deeper articulation, and pushes us to grow, without turning it into a win-lose dynamic. 

• Co-founders who lovingly challenge our thinking with the goal of clarity (not making us wrong) create opportunities to arrive at the best ideas and solutions.

PRACTICES FOR A HEALTHY CO-FOUNDER RELATIONSHIP

So how can we practically apply our understanding of normal psychological needs in our day-to-day co-founder interactions?

1. MIRROR, VALIDATE AND LISTEN DEEPLY

Create intentional time to attune to each other’s emotional worlds.

Set aside time each week with no agenda and no problem-solving—just space to talk about how you’re both really doing.

Share what felt hard that week, what you’re proud of, or where you felt stretched. Listen to each other’s feelings without jumping to fix.

Mirroring sounds like:

• “That sounds really overwhelming. I can imagine how that might feel.”

• “It makes sense that you’d feel that way after what happened.”

These small moments of feeling “felt” meet the needs for mirroring, validation, and self-delineation. They build trust and regulate the nervous system so you can both show up more resourced for the actual work. 

2. CHALLENGE WITH CURIOSITY

Healthy partnerships require healthy opposition. You want to be able to question, debate, and stretch each other—not to be right, but to find truth together.

Practice approaching disagreements as collaborative exploration:

• “Help me understand your thinking here.”

• “What do you see that I might be missing?”

• “What’s underneath that worry for you?”

• “If we tried it your way, what outcome are you envisioning?”

• “Can I offer a perspective that might sharpen this idea?”

• “Would you be open to feedback on how that landed with me?”

When both people feel safe to bring their full perspectives forward, conflict becomes generative. This fulfills the need for supportive adversaries—trusted partners who challenge you to articulate your ideas more clearly, without turning it into a win-lose dynamic.

3. MAKE SPACE FOR HARD CONVERSATIONS

Difficult conversations are inevitable in co-founder relationships. What matters is how you approach them.

Create rituals and language around feedback so that it’s normalized rather than reactive. 

Frameworks like Nonviolent Communication (NVC) or SBIS (Situation-Behavior-Impact-Suggestion) help ground the discussion in observation rather than accusation.

Example:

• “When the deadline shifted last week (Situation), I noticed I felt stressed and unsupported (Feeling). What I’d love next time is more communication about shifting priorities (Request).”

Practicing this regularly keeps your connection clear and clean, so resentment doesn’t quietly build underneath the surface.

4. HOLD IDEALIZATION LIGHTLY

It’s normal to look up to your co-founder or feel inspired by their skills, confidence, or charisma. But idealization can easily slide into pedestalization.

Remember that your complementary strengths are what make the partnership powerful. Each of you will naturally excel in different areas, and that’s okay.

When making decisions, own your area of expertise without the pressure to always be right. Replace blame with curiosity and course correction. There’s rarely one right answer, only learning. The healthiest partnerships can make a “wrong” decision, integrate the lessons, and move forward together.

5. CULTIVATE TWINSHIP

Be honest about what’s really happening for you internally. The fear, the imposter syndrome, the doubt. Chances are, your co-founder feels it too.

You can deepen twinship by:

• Sharing real feelings like, “I’m scared I’m letting you down,” or “I feel uncertain about where we’re headed.”

• Making space for non-work connection—talking about relationships, family, or health.

• Creating rituals outside the day-to-day grind, like a monthly “vision walk” or attending a retreat, therapy, or coaching together.

These moments of shared humanity remind you both that you’re not alone in the entrepreneurial rollercoaster.

6. REINFORCE EFFICACY

End each week by naming three specific appreciations for your co-founder. Not generic praise like “You crushed it this week,” but specific feedback that highlights impact and character.

For example:

• “I appreciated how you stayed grounded in that investor call. It helped me feel calmer too.”

• “When you reframed that client problem, it reminded me of how thoughtful your leadership is.”

This practice fulfills the need for efficacy and validation. It reinforces the belief that what you do matters and that your efforts are seen and valued.

IN CONCLUSION

Your co-founder relationship is one of the most influential relationships of your life. When nurtured consciously, it becomes a source of healing and growth that radiates into your leadership, your company culture, and your impact in the world.

When both partners feel safe, valued, and challenged in healthy ways, your business doesn’t just run better, you unfold into more self-trusting, confident and capable leaders, over and over and over again.

I chatted with two wonderful sets of co-founders who generously shared their practices for building healthy co-founder relationships

CONNIE LO & LAURA THOMPSON OF THREE SHIPS BEAUTY

“One intentional practice that’s supported our mutual trust and understanding is our recurring founder feedback sessions every 6 weeks, where we share two positive points and one constructive one (if any) with each other - helping prevent resentment and celebrate each other's wins. 

We also make time to connect as friends outside of work each quarter (e.g. spa days, brunch, pilates), and use shorthand phrases like “aligned” or “FYI” to keep communication smooth and efficient!”

You can follow Connie, Laura and Three Ships Beauty on Instagram and subscribe to Connie’s substack, Founder Confessions.

MICHAEL KRAVSHIK AND ADAM BERCOVICI OF LUMIQ

“Pick a co-founder you trust as much as yourself, then structure the partnership to reinforce that trust. We went truly equal: same equity, same salary, shared credit and shared accountability. 

In decisions, admit you don’t know. Let the person whose domain it is make the call, move fast, and reverse quickly if data proves you wrong. Argue as teammates, not opponents. Take breaks when it gets heated, then come back together and repair. Build a culture where the best idea wins and even ‘stupid’ ideas are explored for the nugget of truth. 

Expect luck to play a role, so don’t attach ego to being right. The relationship is the engine. Protect it, and the company benefits.”

Follow Michael Kravshik and Adam Bercovici on LinkedIn.

WITHIN WALKS

We’re hosting our next female founder walk on November 7th!

Our next Within Walk will be sponsored by Céleste, a sensual wellness company specializing in indulgent supplements that quiet the mind and open the heart, elevating the magic around us.

We'll be making Celéstial lattes together at the C Cafe before our walk, with Céleste's Élixir d'Extase.

In honor of this partnership, our walk theme is channeling our intuitive knowing as the divine feminine — in business and in life.

• Recall a time you followed a quiet inner nudge in your business. What did you do, and what evidence showed it was the right call?

• What rhythms or rituals help you hear your inner voice more clearly, especially when noise and external expectations get loud?

• Where are you still outsourcing authority today — to mentors, investors, or “best practices” — and what would trusting yourself look like instead?

• If you let your deepest feminine values lead the next quarter, what would you stop doing, start doing, and do differently?

If this sounds like a conversation you’d like to be a part of, RSVP here.

2026 INTENTION SETTING

I’m thinking of putting together a masterclass in December focused on 2026 intention setting and business planning. We’ll touch on life vision & values, business mission, vision, values, long and short-term strategy and practices for time management and founder wellbeing.

Is this something you’d be into?

Reply and LMK if yes.

• 1:1 Coaching: Want to go into 2026 feeling clear, grounded and supported? Book a free coaching consultation to learn how we can work together.

• Let’s be friends: on LinkedIn and Instagram. I share more startup content and what’s going on behind the scenes there.

• Finally, tell me how you liked this newsletter. I read every piece of feedback.

Appreciate you!

With love,
Roslyn 💚