👋 Hi my name is Roslyn, I’m a 2x founder and executive coach. I help founders fall in love with building their companies again. Learn about working 1:1 here.

Hi there,

I’m back in NYC after two weeks in Costa Rica.

It’s bittersweet being back. I loved the version of me that was there, immersed in nature, peaceful, heart open, connected to myself.

And I’m also excited to bring her back with me, along with all the new insights and learnings from my two weeks away. 

Plus, I love NYC and I missed my husband a ton, so… it’s also really good to be back.

As promised, today I’m going to share about the plant medicine journey I took part in while I was in Costa Rica. This is Part 2 of my reflections from my time away. You can read Part 1 here.

I’m going to share:

• My decision to partake in the ceremony and how I prepared

• What the experience itself was like

• How I’m changed, and how I plan to integrate the new me back into life

And also, NYC female founders, we’re walking again Friday, December 5th. RSVP here.

How to Open Your Heart

BEFORE THE CEREMONY

The reason I wanted to take part in a plant medicine ceremony was… well, basically the same reason I’ve been on this entire healing and inner work journey.

My old way of moving through the world wasn’t working anymore (cue extreme founder burnout). I was coming at my life from deficiency, fear, and rigidity. So many of my subconscious thoughts, emotions, sensations, and behaviors were driven by this constant need to prove I was worthy, because deep down I didn’t believe I was.

While I’ve been making real progress in my healing, I wanted to experience a deeper sense of trust in the universe and unconditional love for myself. Those feelings have been taking such a painfully long time to land. I’ve gotten glimpses, for sure… but I wondered if something could help me embody them more fully and maybe sooner.

I knew plant medicine wouldn’t be a silver bullet. But I did feel like I’d done enough work—understanding my stories, my nervous system, my parts—that I could truly hold what might be revealed to me. I also knew I had solid practices to keep building on whatever came through.

More than anything, these last eight months of Aletheia coach training have allowed me to touch a deeper Presence within myself. A higher Self, or whatever you want to call it. A Self that feels boundlessly loving and trusting. I knew that Presence was there and I wanted to connect with it even more deeply and fully.

So when I found out the ceremony would be an optional part of the yoga retreat, I signed up immediately. 

When I spoke to Lisa, the yoga retreat leader, she told me about the ceremony. It would be led by a group she deeply trusted—Shiva Shambho Retreats. The medicines would be a combination of psilocybin, MDMA, White and Red Lily, Blue Lotus, and other heart-opening plants. Based on intake, intentions, and energy day of, the facilitators would guide each of us toward the right combination.

Having done both MDMA and psilocybin previously (though in much smaller, recreational doses), I felt safe and curious about exploring a deeper, therapeutic experience.

THE EDUCATION

Leading up to the retreat, I read How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan. It was so helpful in understanding the history, the clinical research around addiction, depression, anxiety, and existential fear—and Pollan’s own therapeutic experiences.

What fascinated me most was the Johns Hopkins psilocybin research led by Roland Griffiths, where 80% of participants reported a mystical-type experience, and 60% had what’s considered a complete mystical experience. Things like:

1. Unity / interconnectedness

   1. Sense that boundaries between self and world dissolve; feeling of oneness with people, nature, or “everything.” 

2. Sacredness + Noetic quality

   1. The experience feels holy/reverent, and “more real than real”—as if revealing deep, authoritative truth. 

3. Positive mood

   1. Strong feelings of peace, joy, love, gratitude, or awe. 

4. Transcendence of time and space + Ineffability

   1. Time/space feel altered or irrelevant; plus an “unable to put it into words” quality.

Reading that I was like, “damn, count me in”. I think this could really help with my nagging, underlying deficiency and mistrust.

Another study found that 89% of people who took a psychedelic reported decreased fear of death. This also hit me. I think so much of our need for control—and my own tightness—comes from a hidden fear of mortality. The idea that psychedelics could soften that felt incredibly appealing.

The final thing that drew me to psilocybin was its ability to support true, sustainable neuroplasticity, the kind that helps us actually release old patterns, beliefs, and survival strategies. Pollan explains how psilocybin quiets the default mode network, the rigid stories about who we are. When that relaxes, the brain becomes more open, flexible, interconnected.

It also boosts BDNF, which supports neural growth and rewiring. So it’s not just “a moment”, it’s an opening that you can work with and integrate.

For all of these reasons, I was excited and ready for this experience.

THE PREP

A few weeks before my trip, I had a virtual intake call with Paul, one of the co-founders of the group. He asked me about my intentions for the ceremony, my background, my inner work, my medical history and supplement intake. 

Another facilitator sent through a ceremony prep guide, which included advice around setting clear intentions, practicing mindfulness, preparing physically, embracing emotional readiness, educating ourselves and connecting with our community. Honestly the yoga retreat setting couldn’t have been more perfect for this — nature, kind people, movement, healthy meals had us all feeling supported and healthy going into the ceremony. 

As I talked about in Part 1, as my first few days in Costa Rica helped me clarify my intention. I wanted to learn how to live my life with my heart open. 

A couple days before the ceremony, I shared this with Lisa and she helped me go deeper: that my intention was also to embody the truth of who I am—that I am love.

The day before, I reread the prep guide, picked out comfy clothes, grabbed my little items (pillow, socks, sweater, water bottle, journal), hydrated heavily, and reminded myself not to eat the next day.

THE CEREMONY

On the day of the ceremony, the 12 of us took a shuttle to the jungle sanctuary. We were welcomed with warm hugs and smudged with sage (an energetic cleansing ritual).

Inside, 12 mattresses were set up in a semicircle around an altar, sound bowls, and the five facilitators who would be guiding and supporting us through our journeys. 

After everyone got settled on their mattress, we learned from our facilitators what to expect and how things would go down. As I heard from each of them, I felt a sense of trust in them, and with that safety, some excitement to get started.

We then went around the room, introducing ourselves, saying where we were from, our lineages, calling in the support of any ancestors, friends, family, teachers or spiritual leaders we might want with us, and sharing our intentions for the journey. We had such an open-hearted group that many tears were shed in this intention-setting ritual before anyone had even touched any of the medicine.

One by one, we sat with two facilitators who reviewed our intake, read our energy, and recommended what and how much medicine to start with. Most began with heart-openers. All the medicines were grown and prepared by the retreat team specifically for this work, which helped me feel safe.

I was recommended one dose of a heart-opening blend (MDMA + plant allies).

Once everyone had their dose, we thanked the medicine, took it, lay down, and closed our eyes. We were told to put on our eye masks once we felt the medicine, so the facilitators could track us. I waited about 30–45 minutes (no clocks by design), relaxed but not feeling much. A facilitator brought me another half dose and suggested I breathe deeply and put my eye mask on. Still not much. Eventually they recommended adding psilocybin. They asked if a number came intuitively. I said three grams. They brought 3.5. I took it all, put on my eye mask, and lay back down.

Pretty soon, things began to unfold.

In the beginning it was mostly the effects of the heart-opening plants. I was embraced with this full-body sense of love. Complete, deep, unconditional love of myself, everyone in my life, and the world. Deep gratitude for my partner and my life with him. I remember having the thought “I must do this with him, I want him to have this incredibly beautiful experience too.”

As I floated deeper, I experienced a deep, not only acceptance, but gratitude for everything in my life that I had previously perceived as unfair, unfortunate, angering, sad. Where I had previously felt a victim of my circumstances, wishing things could have been otherwise, I experienced this deep felt knowing that everything in my life had the happen the way it did in order for me to become the person I am, that I'm evolving into, and to serve the world in the way that I am. My resistance dissolved and I was overwhelmed with gratitude for everything in my life — “good” and “bad” alike. 

I experienced deep awe and wonder at the way that my life had been perfectly designed, and that in fact I was perfectly designed. I saw my own perfection, and that of the world. I felt that nothing is random, that it’s all been meant to be. I saw myself as a part of nature. And I didn't just hear or see these things, I felt them in my body as the truth. It felt so comforting to me, and I experienced such deep gratitude for this knowledge that was landing in my body. It gave me such a deep sense of trust in my life and the universe more broadly.

As I deepened further into the medicine, I found myself surrounded by such beauty. I was transported to… somewhere that was definitely not Earth. It felt like space, or the universe. All I knew was that it was beautiful, and that everything was finally making sense. There are insights and knowings that I don’t specifically recall, but I do just remember having this sense of blissful understanding, looking around with curiosity, awe and wonder. The woman beside me in the ceremony later told me she’d never forget my voice, the soft little sighs and hums she perceived as I downloaded this beautiful understanding of the universe. 

At one point, I thought Earth was some wild science experiment of Creator’s—and I laughed at how everything I was experiencing was beyond what science could explain.

At that point, I did feel united with Creator energy. I felt a sense of unity with the universe and everything that there is. I lost my sense of time and space.

All of this unfolded to the most beautiful soundtrack—music curated for the ceremony plus live music and singing from Paul.

At some point, the song Mothership came on, a song about death. Before the ceremony this song would’ve surely freaked me the f out. But in this moment, I was able to listen with curiosity, and even find acceptance around my own mortality, with this embodied knowing that whatever lay beyond death was… this. And that it was not only okay, but incredibly beautiful.

At another point in my journey, I embodied an inner child version of myself. I think she was the version associated with the soft, sweet “hmmm’s” heard by my neighbor. The rate at which I was embodying new information about the world with wonder made me feel like a little kid again. I started to hear all of my thoughts in French (which was the language my junior and senior kindergarten classes were taught in). What I remember is telling myself “Je comprends.” (I understand) and realizing that “Tout est parfait!” (All is perfect). 

At another point, I asked the medicine if I’m meant to have children. (I always thought yes, but as I’m meaningfully approaching that point in my life, I kind of wanted to use this spiritual connection on the line to double check for me lol). The understanding I got was that yes, I was meant to take part in the cycle of life in that way, to have that experience, to contribute to the world in that way.

I also at some point remember seeing the faces of some of my friends in my mind, experiencing deep gratitude and knowing that they are my sisters and meant to be in my life. 

The last message I remember was: If I’m not actively healing the world, then what’s the point? I left with a renewed desire to be of service.

Throughout the entire journey, the facilitators cared for us with so much kindness—checking on us, holding hands through tough moments, bringing water and fruit, offering grounding touch. At one point I spilled my water bottle and, from how incapacitated I was, had to let someone else clean it up. A real surrender moment for me.

Eventually, after what felt like an unknowable amount of time (so much had happened but at the same time it felt like no time had passed at all), they gently signaled it was time to return. I resisted, wanting to stay in the beauty of it all, but slowly came back. They brought us fresh fruit, then a vegetable stew. People began talking about their experiences. I couldn’t speak; I just sat in silence, taking it all in.

Once everyone had eaten and grounded with magnesium tea, we gathered in a closing circle. It was incredibly beautiful to hear what people had seen, worked through, healed, and come to realize over the course of the 6-7 hours. It was clear the equivalent of years of therapy had taken place in that room in an afternoon. 

Around 9pm, we headed back to the retreat center—utterly spent, but deeply grateful for what had just transpired.

THE INTEGRATION

The next morning I woke up tired and raw. I skipped sunrise meditation and took myself to breakfast alone, still processing. Then I went to the ocean, put my feet in the water, swam in the pool, trying to slowly come back to myself.

I planned to go lie in Savasana during morning yoga but instead got pulled into a couch conversation with three others from the ceremony. We sat for hours, sharing our experiences. It felt like such an important piece of integration—being with people who really saw me in the way only fellow journeyers could.

Later we had a formal integration session with Lisa. Then Qi Gong, dinner, and bed at 8pm.

Finally the next day I woke up feeling a little fresher and with capacity to journal. I turned on the playlist from the ceremony that was shared and just started crying. Even though there were parts of the journey that I could verbalize and remember… there were other parts that I’d definitely forgotten, but that I think my  body could remember through hearing the music again. I’ve listened to the playlist through a few times since the ceremony and every time I cry. At some song or another, I’m just overwhelmed with emotion. And not like a sad emotion, but I just feel so moved. It really is beautiful. 

In the days that followed, I stayed open and soft, supported by the energy of the retreat, the nature, the food, the community. When I moved from Blue Spirit to my little casita in Nosara, I was so grateful not to be heading home yet. I woke up alone, meditated to the playlist, let myself stay in that open-hearted energy, went to the beach, moved slowly.

I also met with Hannah (my chosen facilitator) in person in Nosara for my integration session. I had the opportunity to share my experience and insights with her. She reflected things back to me, helped me see where energy was stuck or leaking, and guided me on how to bring the insights into my real life—relationships, work, and life more broadly. She is an incredibly gifted coach and energy healer and I felt very seen and supported by her. 

In the days that followed, I felt that I moved through my days with a sense of lightness, of love, of wanting to give. I felt more safe and open.

Now, being back in NYC, I’m curious and intentional about how this continues. Yesterday I did a beautiful morning practice, felt my open heart again. By 2pm, I had slipped into working through lunch and felt myself contracting. 

So I know I need to be intentional.

My brain is still in a more plastic state, so this is a powerful window to lock in healthier habits.

Here are mine: 

• Being more conscious of how I’m feeling throughout the day—checking in on my thoughts, emotions and body.

• Creating more space for stillness in my day.

• Continuing to expand my morning routine, relying on the tools I know help me shift into an open heart.

• Continuing to develop my nervous system literacy and regulation.

• Maintaining boundaries with social media.

• Learning different ways to creatively express myself through dance and music.

• Asking myself “what would feel fun?” in the morning and letting that guide my day.

• Making my surroundings more beautiful.

In addition to my own personal practices I know it’s also important to have a supportive ecosystem around me. If I need it, I can book more sessions with Hannah or the rest of the ceremony team.

My acupuncturist/coach also has deep plant medicine knowledge and will support me in integrating all of this.

I know how important it is not to gloss over this integration phase. The ceremony is powerful, but without integration the long-term meaning and changes can fade.

TAKEAWAYS

So was my intention fulfilled?

Unequivocally, yes. 

I didn’t walk out a fully healed, perfectly open-hearted new person. But I did experience what that feels like. I touched deep trust in the universe. Awe. A sense of perfection in myself and the world. And while I don’t live in that place all day every day, some of that knowing is still with me. I touch it in meditation. I carry it into my day. I’m newly motivated to keep leaning into my practices so I can reach that place without medicine. I know it’s possible for me.

And I know I’ll need to keep working at it. I’m even interested in eventually getting trained in facilitating this work.

I’m so grateful—for the medicine, the beautiful souls I journeyed with, Shiva Shambho, Lisa and the yoga retreat, my time in Nosara, and simply the miracle of being alive.

IF YOU WANT TO DO THIS

So if you read through all of this and were like “yep, I want to try this”, here is my advice:

1. GET A RECOMMENDATION

Do not just go to anyone offering plant medicine. It’s VERY important to go with trained, ethical facilitators who respect the lineages and understand how to safely support you. I highly recommend Shiva Shambho. If you want an intro, reply and I’ll connect you.

2. RESPECT THE MEDICINE & DON’T EXPECT A SILVER BULLET

One ceremony won’t magically fix your life. You need the inner work before and after. The more committed you already are to your healing—self-awareness, emotional understanding, presence—the better prepared you’ll be.

Also: the journey might be blissful, or it might be hard. Be ready for either.

3. EDUCATE YOURSELF BEFOREHAND

Learn about the medicines. I really liked How to Change Your Mind.

Podcasts:

• Huberman Lab: How Psilocybin Can Rewire Our Brain, Its Therapeutic Benefits & Its Risks

• Huberman Lab: The Science of Psychedelics for Mental Health | Dr. Robin Carhard-Harris

• Evolution FM: Why Using Psychedelics Will Become a skill (Paul Austin - Third Wave)

• 10 Things That Pulled Me Out of Rock Bottom: Spirituality. Celibacy, Plant Medicine, & More (Mayssa talks about plant medicine in minute 14)

Articles:

• These athletes suffered life-changing injuries. Then, they turned to psychedelics 

• B.C. health workers train to provide MDMA-assisted psychotherapy

• Psychedelic Journeying Advice from a Professional

4. HAVE AN INTEGRATION PLAN

Intense things can surface, and what you do in the days, weeks, and months after matters just as much as the journey itself. You want someone who understands plant medicine and can help you make sense of what you received, reflect things back, and guide you in using the neuroplastic window to make actual sustainable change.

And remember: after a ceremony, your heart is wide open. Boundaries matter more than ever.

And also… if you don’t feel called to try plant medicine at this time, that’s completely fine also. There are other ways to heal and access the feeling of trust, presence unconditional love. Like I mentioned before, I’ve personally experienced glimmers of these states through the Aletheia coaching method, breathwork and meditation and am motivated to continue to deepen my own embodiment of these states more deeply through these practices.

There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to healing and spirituality. I offer my experience in case this is right for you too. AND I will continue to offer other practices as well. Listen to your intuition on what feels right for you. 

If you have any questions about this, feel free to respond to this email.

Thank you for reading today! Sending you lots of love.

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Thanks for being here.

With love,
Roslyn 💚