Hi there,

Happy Tuesday. 

My partner has generously been editing my newsletters for me and after reading the most recent one he commented that the last few topics have been a little grim (burnout, self-doubt, chronic stress and sickness). Fair enough!

So today I wanted to choose a topic that's more uplifting. Let’s talk about expanders. This is a concept that I love so much I’ve dedicated a whole section of my newsletter to it. 

In today’s newsletter, we’re talking about: 

• Where the term expander came from

• How you can use expanders to uplevel your life

• Journal prompts and resources for you to go deeper on all things expanders

By the way, if you (unlike my partner) are not tired of learning about burnout, I shared the story of my burnout and healing journey as a guest on Fried. The Burnout Podcast. 

Okay let’s dive in!

🌊 Where we go deep on a topic at the intersection of entrepreneurship and personal development.

The Power of Expanders

What Even Are Expanders?

I know this is a term not everyone is familiar with. I used it in conversation a few times in the past month and had people think I was talking about palate expanders. Not the case! So let’s start with the definition and background.

Expanders are people that inspire you, that show you what’s possible for yourself, and that mirror back to you what you most desire. 

They can be a person you follow on social media, a public figure, a thought leader, a character in a book or movie or someone that you admire in your daily life.

When we observe them, admire them or envy them, we’re actually recognizing aspects of ourselves that we have yet to integrate. We’re witnessing potential greater than where we’re currently at, but where we’re capable of going.

The term “expanders” was originally coined by Lacy Phillips, the creator of the manifestation process called To Be Magnetic. Lacy, a once aspiring actress, originally tried to use old-school manifestation techniques like “thinking positive” and “visualizing your dream house” to no avail. 

She ended up developing her own approach which she says is backed by basic psychology, neuroscience and epigenetics. Her program maintains that we aren’t able to manifest what we don’t believe we’re truly worthy of. And that our childhood traumas, social conditioning and limiting beliefs can keep us from being fully in our worth (and thus, unable to call in our desires).

We have these limiting beliefs because we’ve been conditioned to think that things like satisfaction, abundance, safety, security, love and joy aren’t possible for us. If you’ve never seen it, you can’t believe it. 

In To Be Magnetic’s process, in order to make the impossible possible, we need to journey into our subconscious and remove those blocks and replace them with concrete examples of people who represent our biggest dreams for ourselves, aka our expanders.

For example, if we learned, growing up, that the only way to create abundance for ourselves is through grinding on traditional career paths, perhaps we need an expander that’s built a lucrative business through entrepreneurship without ascribing to hustle culture.

If we learned that it’s not possible to make a career switch later in life, we need an expander who’s been in our shoes, felt the same way, and went on to successfully reconstruct their career.

If we learned that a woman’s role in society is to be of service to others, maybe we need expansion by women who are living life to maximize their own joy and fulfillment. 

Envy Isn’t Bad

One way we can identify our expanders is to reflect on who we most envy.

When we envy someone, we want something that they have or embody. Maybe an old classmate gets a dream job we want for ourselves or a friend gets pregnant when we’ve been trying for ages. 

Many of us have been conditioned to believe that envy is bad. It is, after all, one of the seven deadly sins.

But embracing our envy fully can be one of the most important things we can do, because it forces us to own our own wants.

Admitting what we want can feel vulnerable. It can feel like it will hurt even more when we don’t get what we want, or don't achieve what we want to achieve. 

It can feel shameful, especially for women, where many of us have been conditioned to believe we don’t actually have wants, that wanting is selfish. 

If you have a hard time articulating what it is that you want, envy can be a powerful tool. 

When was the last time you experienced a pang of envy? What did that person have that you wanted? A dream relationship? A successful podcast? A great relationship with their kids? A tight knit group of friends? An Forbes feature on their company? An ability to work remotely from tropical locales? 

Are you willing to reframe this envy as not something to be ashamed of, but as something that’s giving you information about your own dreams? About what’s possible for you too?

If yes, then you’re ready to get expanded.

How to Get Expanded

1. FIND YOUR EXPANDERS

The first step is to find the people that show you that your dreams and desires are possible for you too.

According to Lacy, the conditions for being an expander include:

• They’ve been in the exact place you’re in now, whether struggling, experiencing lack or limitations, or not having what they want

• They’ve gone on to become successful in or embody the thing that you’re calling in

• Their path to success feels believable and attainable to you

• They give you an aha moment where you go “oh, if they could do that, I can do it it too”

There are also what Lacy calls fragment expanders, people who hold a piece of your dream, but not a full life that appeals to you. Maybe it’s someone that shows you it’s possible to buy a home as a founder, to quit a corporate job and become a food influencer, or to recover from chronic illness.

Even if you don’t want their whole life, it can still be useful to have these people in your orbit to expand you in these specific areas.

Take a moment to reflect about where in your life you feel there’s a gap between your dream and what you see as realistic for yourself. 

If you’re thinking things like “There’s no way I could move to Europe and set up my life there / get a divorce and find my soulmate dating as a single mom / become a published author and tour the continent”, then this is probably a sign you need an expander for that area. 

Maybe it’s someone whose entire life appeals to you — from their career, to their lifestyle, to their social and family life and creative endeavors. Or maybe it’s someone who just has one aspect of your dream life. Either way, they can have a meaningful impact on your view of what’s possible for yourself.

2. EXPOSE YOURSELF TO YOUR EXPANDERS 

Once you’ve found your expanders, the next step is to to expose yourself to them. 

Learn about where they were and how they got to where you want to go. Consume content by them or see them in real life and allow yourself to really see yourself in their journey. Understand the steps that they took, the challenges they needed to overcome, how they think and view the world and what they embody now that they have the thing you’re calling in.

 A few ways you can learn about your expanders include:

• Following them on social media

• Listening to them on podcasts 

• Reading their book / a book about them

• Seeing them speak in real life

• Watching documentaries about them / movies they’re in

• Join their online community 

• Attend events they host

Even better is to reach out to them and connect directly with them. 

If they’re someone in your life, or even a stranger that you think might be open to chatting, it can be all the more powerful to connect directly. Ask them for a coffee if they’re in your city or ask for a quick phone call or virtual coffee. 

My Journey with Expanders

I’m going to share my own journey with expanders as an illustration of what I’m talking about.

Expanders have always been a big part of my life, whether I was aware of the term or not. I always had people that showed me what was possible for myself along the way.

As a kid, I was expanded by my parents, on many things, and especially on what living an entrepreneurial life looks like. I learned about the fulfillment, flexibility and growth opportunities that entrepreneurship can bring to your life.

Starting out my career at a Big 4 accounting firm, I was expanded by women at my firm who were more senior than me.

When I started to become interested in yoga, mindfulness and spirituality, I remember I was expanded by:

• Lawyer turned spiritual coach Catie Fenn who was an early digital learning creator and hosted IRL goddess circles (both of which I enthusiastically took part in at ages 25-27).

• Amber Stratton, yogi and owner of successful yoga chain, Pure Yoga, and yogi Amica Hilton (I loved their thoughtful classes, their bangin’ playlists, their entrepreneurship and how they cultivated community. I eventually became a certified yoga teacher myself, seeing that as a potential path at the time).

• Thought leaders and spiritual entrepreneurs like Gabby Bernstein and Marie Forleo (who else read The Universe Has Your Back in 2016?).

When I started working on The GIST, my expanders were successful entrepreneurs, especially female founders or those in the newsletter/media space:

• Entrepreneurship podcasts like Girlboss and How I Built This. (I remember I was a big fangirl of the likes of Emily Weiss, Whitney Wolfe Herd, Jen Rubio, Shan-Lyn Ma and Melanie Perkins).

• TheSkimm co-founders and every guest on their podcast.

• The Morning Brew co-founders (I ended up building a friendship with Austin, which was exceptionally helpful and inspiring when building The GIST, and he continues to be a friend/expander today!).

Now, as a post-burnout second-time founder and executive coach, I’m expanded by successful coaches, thought leaders, creators, and people who are building companies with integrity, purpose and a more sustainable approach. Now I’m being expanded by:

• Coaches like Martha Beck, Liz Tran, Tracy Lawrence, Amanda Baudier, Amina Altai, Margarita Rusolello, Cait Donavan, Jerry Colona.

• Founders that are building in integrity with their values and in alignment with their true selves (these are the people I include in the expanders section of the newsletter!)

• Creators, thought leaders and spiritual entrepreneurs like Lacy Phillips, Jenna Zoe, James McCrae (Words Are Vibrations), Lewis Howes, Kate Northrup, Alex Elle, Amanda Goetz ( whose online community I’m a part of!)

I don’t think I can begin to fully appreciate how much I’ve been shaped and expanded by all of these people (and many more). 

What expanders have you had throughout the different phases of your life? What did they show you was possible for yourself? 

🪞 Your turn to reflect. Take these prompts to your morning journal or talk it over with a friend or coach.

• Who are some of the people I envy or admire (my existing expanders)? 

• What are they showing me that I want for myself?

• Which areas of my life do I feel like my dreams are impossible?

• Who are some people that I can find that have what I want, and that can show me that it is possible for myself in these areas?

• How will I engage with these people (social media, podcast, attend their speaking event, read their book, reach out for coffee IRL)?

🤿 If you want to go deeper than the deep dive, I curated these resources especially for you. <3

• Learn: One of the first things I did as I was starting my healing journey post-burnout was To Be Magnetic’s manifestation course. It goes beyond the typical manifestation advice you hear, incorporating journaling and hypnotism to unblock your limiting beliefs, expand what’s possible for yourself, and align your actions to what you’re calling in. (You’ll learn more about expanders here!)

• Listen: To Be Magnetic also has a podcast literally called Expanded and in this episode they drive deep into what expanders are. 

• Read: Elise Loehnen’s On Our Best Behavior talks about how the Seven Deadly Sins have been used to control women. She has an excellent chapter on envy, and even touches on the concept of expanders!

💥 We’re not really about Forbes 30u30 over here. We’re shining a light on the founders and coaches building from the heart and keeping it real.

Okay, now that you fully understand what this section is all about (!) here are a couple of expanders I want to spotlight today.

• I’ve been listening to Sophie Weill’s podcast, Active Ingredient, for a while. Sophie runs a PR agency, owns a tableware brand with her sister and has been publishing her podcast — which focuses on personal growth, inner exploration, connection and curiosity — for five years. What really stands out to me is the thoughtfulness and honesty she brought to her recent decision to take a break from podcasting when the energy around it didn’t feel right, to recharge and get re-inspired, and return to it in a new, more aligned way by following her intuition and her own evolution. She talks all about it in this episode on beginning again.

• I met Allison Luvera at an intimate female founders and funders networking event two years ago when she had literally just launched her (now award-winning) sustainable wine brand, Juliet.  Allison writes an honest, open and insightful newsletter talking about founder life, navigating the business world and women’s empowerment (as well as sharing some fun, useful and interesting things on her radar!). As someone who burned out from feeling misaligned from my true self, I can’t understate the importance of finding time for the creative activities outside of work that bring you closer to who you are and leave you feeling expressed. Allison’s newsletter is a beautiful example of this, and I’ve loved reading it.

• 1:1 Coaching: If you want to feel more aligned and less burnt out, you can book a 30-minute consultation to explore working with me.

• Let’s be friends: If you want to see the BTS of building Within and receive more tips and ideas on building with integrity, connect with me on LinkedIn and Instagram.

I’d be so grateful for your feedback. How did you like this edition of the newsletter? 🙏

Time to go get expanded!

Appreciate you being here,
Roslyn 💚