How I’m Building Differently This Time

I’m not going to lie, the idea of launching a new company so soon after burning out from my last one scares me a little bit. Less than a year ago I was a shell of a human being. I was running my life on autopilot. I’d lost myself.

And I don’t want that to happen again.

So this time around, I’m intentionally changing the ways in which I build a company. 

Here are my ten non-negotiables for building without burning out this time around.

#1 REGULATE & HEAL YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM

Last time I built a company, my nervous system was often getting stuck in a state of fight, flight or freeze. Emails, stressful conversations, worrying what people thought about me — all of these things were keeping me activated, making it near impossible to think straight, stay present and access my intuition. 

This time, I’m building a toolkit to both regulate and heal my nervous system. In moments when I’m activated, I’m allowing myself to feel the sensations in my body and to use methods like breathwork, feeling the five senses, and going outside. I’m also working with professionals in acupuncture and Somatic Experiencing to balance my nervous system and release old stuck patterns of fight, flight or freeze that never got to complete on their own.

Takeaway: If you’re someone who finds it hard to slow down, gets easily triggered, or is chronically stressed you might have some trauma stored in your body that’s keeping your nervous system stuck in fight, flight or freeze. You can learn more here.

#2 LISTEN TO YOUR BODY FOR SIGNS OF BURNOUT

Last time, I missed (or ignored) important signals from my body that things were going downhill fast. There’s a quote that says “If you listen to your body when it whispers… you won’t have to hear it scream”. I definitely heard it scream when I landed in full-on burnout, but I could’ve avoided that by learning to hear and respect the whispers.

This time, I’ll be listening to my body for signs of burnout and making adjustments real-time. For me the early signs of burnout are a dullness in my head, fatigue, heaviness, tight shoulders and neck, and a chronically activated nervous system. 

Takeaway: Take a moment to reflect on what your body’s signs of burnout are so you know when burnout’s creeping up. Make changes that work for you. For example: more breaks to breathe, getting outside, prioritization & delegation. If you’re struggling to make the changes you know you need, working with a coach can help.

#3 PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION

Last time, I was my own worst critic. I thought that I needed to criticize myself in order to improve, to achieve excellence. My expectations for myself were unreasonably high, and when I inevitably fell short, it was just more evidence to myself that I wasn’t good enough. It had me operating from this place of not-enoughness, which perpetuated me not hitting my own expectations.

This time, I’m building from a place of self-compassion. I’m intentionally recognizing and bringing my awareness to what I’m doing well. I keep a list of positive feedback and successes and update it regularly. I reflect on what I’ve done well each day and what it says about me. I tell my inner child how amazing she’s doing and how proud of her I am. I know that believing in myself, that I am enough, and of what I am capable of is critical to showing up as the version of myself that will turn my dreams into my reality.

Takeaway: Being kind yourself is a widely underrated superpower. I’m dead serious. Shift from self-criticism to self compassion.

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#4 ENJOY WHAT YOU DO

Last time, I worked on many things that I thought were where I contributed the most value, but that I did not inherently enjoy. I saw myself as a numbers person, analytical, a left brain thinker, in part because this was highly valued in my upbringing and early career. But I had this whole side of me that was not fully being expressed, honored or appreciated in my work. 

This time, I’ve taken the time to reflect on what type of work lights me up. And as much as I do identity as a builder and operator, I’m also a creative person. I love working with people 1:1, I’m obsessed with personal development, and I love the opportunity to share my learnings. So, I’m launching a company that lets me do all of those things, because that’s ultimately where I’ll be at my best, and where I can have the most impact. 

Takeaway: Chances are if you’re doing work that doesn’t energize you, you’re making things so much harder on yourself than they need be. You’re probably hustling and grinding for results, when they could be flowing. Go deeper.

#5 FACE YOUR FEARS & LIMITING BELIEFS

Last time, I let my fears hold me back from showing up how I wanted to in my company and in the world. I was scared of judgment. As a result I presented to the world with this mask, of what I thought everyone wanted to see (which was EXHAUSTING). I shied away from public speaking opportunities, where I could really be seen for myself, but also could risk messing up and being judged. I avoided hard conversations that felt activating for me. I avoided putting my true self out there — to my team, on social media, even to those closest to me.

This time, I know that if I run from my fears, they’ll always control me, and keep me from what I desire most. I recognize that doing the thing I’m scared of consistently is the only thing that will make it less scary. This time, I’m showing up authentically online and it feels really vulnerable, but every time it gets a little easier and brings me closer to those I'm meant to connect with. I’m saying yes to public speaking opportunities. I’m healing parts of my life that I’ve repressed for a long time, and facing big emotions. 

Takeaways: The only way out is through. Being scared and doing it anyway feels better than being stuck in a place where your fear is standing between you and your dreams.

#6 TAP INTO YOUR INTUITION

Last time, I became so disconnected from myself and my own intuition that I was giving away my power to others, outsourcing decisions and acting in ways that were out of integrity for me and my values. 

This time, I’m recognizing that my own intuition knows what’s best for me. Of course, I’ll review any data and feedback I have available and consider perspectives from mentors, coaches,and  friends, but ultimately I know that I’ll be able to feel in my body whether something is right or wrong for me. 

Takeaway: You’re the one that has to carry out and live with the decisions you make for your company and for your life. Make sure your decisions are feeling right in your body. (Often decisions that align with what’s best for us feel like an ease, relaxation, an opening, whereas unaligned decisions feel like contraction, tightening). Go deeper here on how to calibrate your body compass (section 3).

#7 PRIORITIZE THE BASICS: SLEEP, NUTRITION, EXERCISE, SELF CARE

Last time, I was fueling my days with coffee and sleeping terribly. I was shortening or skipping my morning self-care routine to get to my computer faster. I was drinking alcohol more often, which led to more anxiety, less nutritious food choices, less exercise. I was scrolling social instead of taking restorative breaks.

This time, I’m prioritizing my morning routine - that means reading, journaling and meditating for an hour before touching my laptop. I’m giving up coffee in favor of green tea during the weekdays because it makes me jittery and messes with my sleep. I’m going for walks and runs outside to be closer to nature (or as close as is possible in NYC). Basic, but it adds up.

Takeaway: Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It’s critical to success. Honoring your basic needs equips you to healthily deal with stress (which is inevitable). They create the foundation for your best work.

#8 ALIGN EVERYTHING YOU DO WITH YOUR WHY

Last time, as much as I was inspired by my company’s mission, I was getting lost in the weeds, losing sight of the big picture in the day-to-day operations. And honestly, I also struggled with building from this place of having something to prove, of needing to show that I was enough, I was contributing, I was valuable. 

This time, I’m getting crystal clear on a mission that feels incredibly energizing and uniquely aligned to my gifts, experiences and what lights me up. I’m ensuring that my offerings, goals and everyday actions serve that mission.

Takeaway: Hard work without meaning will eventually burn you out. Get clear on your why and be honest with yourself on if it genuinely motivates you.

#9 STAY IN INTEGRITY

Last time, I allowed my fears and my not-enoughness to keep me from being rooted in my values and integrity. I gave into my perfectionism and people-pleasing, my fear of letting others down, of being seen a certain way. Sometimes in ways that didn’t completely align for me deep down.

This time, I’m getting clear on what being rooted in my values and being in integrity feels like and looks like for me, and I’m sticking with it. I’m doing the deep healing work around my perfectionism and people-pleasing, to try and give myself the opportunity to choose differently in the moment, to choose what feels most in integrity for me.

Takeaway: Being out of integrity with your values, purpose and your true self will eventually burn you out. 

#10 BUILD AND HEAL IN PARALLEL

Last time, I think part of me knew on a subconscious level that my healing work was really important. And that I wasn’t doing so hot, spiritually speaking. But I didn’t see my healing and spiritual work as directly tied to my business work. I wasn’t ready to acknowledge that I was getting in my own way, that my patterns and limiting beliefs were holding me back in business and in life.

This time, I’m prioritizing my spiritual practices — journaling, meditation, breathwork and working with coaches — to bring greater awareness to who I am, what I’m meant to do in this world, and what I need to heal to do my best work. 

Takeaway: Entrepreneurship is a spiritual journey. The challenges that arise are often reflections of the work we need to do on ourselves, history we need to face, trauma we need to heal. Engaging with your work from a spiritual lens can allow you to do the inner work that will level up your company and life.

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REFLECTION

🪞 Your turn to reflect. Take these prompts to your morning journal or talk it over with a friend or coach.

• What work genuinely energizes me? What’s one step I can take this week to open up time and space for this type of work?

• What feels like the scariest next step for me to take? What’s on the other side of that fear? What’s one tiny step I can take this week towards transcending this fear? 

• What are my tell-tale signs of burnout? What’s one thing I can do to take care of myself when I experience the early signs of burnout?

Go Deeper

🤿 If you want to go deeper than the deep dive, I curated these resources especially for you, you nerd. <3 

ON DOING WHAT GIVES YOU ENERGY

• Read: I highly recommend Dan Martell’s “Buy Back Your Time” for thinking about how to evolve your scope and hire a team with the purpose of ensuring YOU as the founder continue to work on work that energizes you and where you can be most impactful in your company. 

• Read: I wrote about my experience with leaning into work you enjoy in What You Want to Do is What You’re Meant To Do

ON NERVOUS SYSTEM MANAGEMENT

• Learn More: Read this wonderful Nervous System Regulation 101 guide by Amanda Baudier, a holistic executive coach. I’ve also been working with her 1:1 on Somatic Experiencing. It’s transformative work and I highly recommend it.

• Read: Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine absolutely blew my mind. It’s all about how trauma is stored in your body and how it can affect you years later if you don’t process that trauma AND how the body knows how it heal itself naturally.

ON SELF COMPASSION

• Read: Kristen Neff’s Self-Compassion is a classic. She goes deep on her research around self-compassion, its effects and how we can cultivate it.

• Read: I wrote about my journey with shifting from being my own worst critic, into self-compassion here.

• Listen: Burnout Prevention, Self Compassion, and the Beauty of Post-Burnout Growth on Fried. The Burnout Podcast.

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