Hi there,

Hope you’re having a beautiful week. 

It’s my favorite time of year in New York and I’ve been taking advantage with lots of fall walks outside, weekend patio brunches and cheering on our NY Liberty!!!

Speaking of NYC, if you’re a female or nonbinary founder based in New York, I’m speaking at an intimate event about burnout, spirituality, and the female founder experience on the evening of October 24th. Reply to this email if you’d like to attend.

In today’s newsletter, we’re talking about:

• The relationship between chronic stress and sickness

• Strategies, prompts and resources for reducing chronic stress

• How one founder-turned-coach breaks the cycle of overwork

As always, I appreciate you being here and your interest in building with intention and integrity.

Let’s dive in.

🌊 Where we go deep on a topic at the intersection of entrepreneurship and personal development.

When Chronic Stress Makes You Sick

In my first edition of the Within newsletter, I shared my tips for building a company without burning out.  

And, the truth is, I still struggle with this myself.

To be completely real with you, I’ve been feeling sick on and off for the last two months. It started with two weeks of COVID symptoms in July and has kept on coming back, every couple of weeks. I feel fatigue every time I push myself — mentally, physically or emotionally — and end up having to take a few days off of work to feel like myself again. 

It’s incredibly frustrating because I’m so excited to be working on Within and have so many hopes and dreams for it. All I want to do is work on it! But my body is shutting that down.

I have to believe part of it has to do with the stress of launching a new business. A part of me hoped that intentionally choosing such an aligned and energizing business would allow me to avoid burnout this time around. And while I have no doubt that it helps, it’s evidently not the only factor at play.

The truth is, as much as part of me is very much led by purpose, another part of me is still pushing myself from a need to prove myself. To demonstrate that I can build a successful company again, this time on my own. To validate that I’m good enough, capable enough, talented and likable enough. To evidence my goodness.

I know that the part of me that feels this way:

• Pushes me to work without breaks

• Overestimates what I can get done in a day, a week, or a month and that criticizes myself when I don’t deliver

• Says yes to all the opportunities (including the ones I know stress me out)

• Stays on my computer for “just one more task” when I’ve promised myself I’ll sign off earlier

• Pushes my body to exercise when I’m feeling too tired

• Says yes to plans and never cancels on commitments, even when I’m not feeling up to it

• Tries to make sure everyone in my life is happy with me

• Is uncomfortable with sitting still

Unfortunately, this behavior is keeping me in a cycle of sickness. 

I know I'm not the only one. 

The Relationship Between Chronic Stress & Illness

Research shows there are connections between chronic stress and illness. Chronic stress is a process that strains our adaptive capacity, leading to psychological and biological changes that can increase the risk of illness. 

Our bodies’ response to fear is for our sympathetic nervous system (aka our fight-or-flight responses) to come online, releasing cortisol and adrenaline and increasing energy, blood pressure and heart rate. Originally this system evolved to deal with short term stress, like an attack. 

But in today’s world, fear and stress can come from an overflowing inbox, the threat of running out of money, the anxiety of letting someone down, the dread of failure and judgment… This type of constant stress can keep your sympathetic nervous system on for long periods of time, and eventually contribute to health issues like exhaustion, high blood pressure, headaches, digestive issues, muscle tension, and a weakened immune system.

Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned physician and best-selling author, has spoken widely about the relationships between stress and illness. According to him, chronic diseases are not interruptions to our lives, but manifestations of how we live. Many of us live a life where some combination of trauma, emotional pain and separation from our authentic selves play a major role in our health and western medicine often fails to treat the core wounds that make us sick. 

Today I’m sharing seven strategies I’m using to do this.

My 7 Strategies for Slowing Down

1.  GOING TO THE SOURCE AND GETTING CURIOUS

Because I know that a lot of my chronic stress is rooted in my fear of not being enough, I know that my healing work needs to address this.

I’ve recently been finding that Dr. Richard Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an incredibly powerful framework for doing this. Dr. Schwartz asserts that inside each of us, are several different parts, each of them with its own voice, perspective, role and motivation. Some of our parts act in ways that cause suffering for ourselves and the people around us, often in a misguided attempt to keep us safe from pain, fear, and big emotions. When we offer these parts our love, compassion and understanding, they can start to drop those misled actions.

I’ve been having many conversations with my inner planner, my inner critic, my inner people pleaser and my inner goodist. I’ve been working to separate them out and build a relationship with each of them, understanding what they’re scared of, what they’re trying to protect against, and what they need from me to start to relax. 

It’s been very enlightening work that has started to shift some deeply-held thoughts, patterns and beliefs at the root of my burnout. If you’re curious you can learn more in this 7-minute video or through this book.

2. FINDING STILLNESS

I’ve started to begin my days by sitting in stillness for 20-30 minutes, a practice that’s allowed me to connect more deeply with a version of myself that’s more curious, compassionate, calm, clear, and wise. 

Inevitably, throughout the day other parts of me come online, that stress, worry and push me. But checking in with that more wise Self in the morning makes it easier to come back to that more grounded Self throughout the day. And also to get clarity on some of the feelings and stories that are guiding my behavior (rather than letting them influence my behavior from my subconscious).

3. RUTHLESSLY PRIORITIZING

My cycle of sickness has forced me to work less and rest more. So to move my business forward, I’ve had to get crystal clear on what my top priority is for the quarter and ensure that my calendar is set up to optimize for that one priority.

For example, my sole focus for Q4 is creating, selling and rolling out my 1:1 coaching program. That means newsletter and social media growth take a back seat. Building my website will happen if and when I have the energy. Figuring out my community offerings will have to wait until 2025. It’s a little disappointing, but the singular focus I’m bringing to my primary goal for the quarter will allow me to get better at it, faster, and will make it easier to add new projects come the new year.

4. GETTING STRATEGIC ABOUT SAYING NO

As I’ve been showing up and sharing more online, I’ve been receiving some incredible opportunities to get my message and business in front of more people. And as much as I appreciate it so much, I have to say no to some of them. Especially because public speaking is fairly activating for me, so if I had one of these opportunities every week, that would be quite taxing on my nervous system.

So, with support from my coach, I came up with criteria that a marketing opportunity would have to meet in order for me to say yes to it, as well as a maximum number I’ll accept in a given month. 

5. LETTING GO OF PERFECTIONISM

Obviously this is easier said than done. Aside from getting curious about the source of my perfectionism and finding more stillness in my day, what’s also been helping with this is putting things into the world that are less than perfect and being okay with it. 

It’s helped me to see that a newsletter that I could’ve kept editing and getting 5% better each time, still ends up resonating with people. Seeing that a coaching session where I thought I could’ve asked better questions, still ended up helping someone immensely. If you’re challenging yourself and growing in your work and life, you’re going to make mistakes. You’re not going to be an expert out the gates. And that’s okay.

Ultimately perfectionism is your brain’s misguided attempt to keep you safe from judgment and failure. Allowing yourself to put yourself out there as a flawed human, at risk of failure and being judged, slowly builds your trust muscle that it’s okay to be less than perfect.

6. WORKING WITH A COACH

I’m currently working with coaches and healers that help me with identifying, reframing and healing limiting beliefs and core wounds — mentally, somatically and energetically — as well as with taking aligned action towards my goals. 

Obviously I’m biased, but I’ve found it incredibly helpful to have someone help pull your thoughts, beliefs, behaviors and patterns out to examine and work with. And to support you in identifying and taking the next best steps forward. If you’d like to explore coaching you can book a 30 minute consult with me here.

7. SLOWING DOWN PHYSICALLY

I had big plans to be in the best shape ever for my wedding (original, I know). I tried a new exercise plan for two days and my body made it pretty clear how it felt about it. I felt very fatigued and was forced to take the next two days off both exercise and work (how counterproductive!).

And so I’ve had to let go of my big hopes and plans around an intense exercise regime. And to instead invite in walks outside, pilates, yoga, and days of doing nothing at all. The perfectionist in me isn’t pleased. But my true Self knows the lesson I need to learn is in how to be more kind and easy on my body, instead of driving it to acquiesce to our oppressive societal standards.

ONE FINAL, BUT IMPORTANT NOTE

These 7 strategies aside, if you’re experiencing any kind of chronic sickness or fatigue, I also highly recommend seeing a doctor and getting tests done. I’m currently working with Parsley Health, a holistic health clinic focused on finding and treating the root cause of symptoms.

🪞 Your turn to reflect. Take these prompts to your morning journal or talk it over with a friend or coach.

• What is the fear underlying your chronic stress? 

• What’s one compassionate thing you could say to show love to the part of you that’s scared?

• What’s your #1 goal for Q4? What could you deprioritize or push to next quarter in order to focus more singularly on your #1 goal?

• What are your criteria for opportunities that come your way (that can help you more clearly say yes or no?).

• What’s one area of your life you could experiment with showing up as less-than-perfect in?

🤿 If you want to go deeper than the deep dive, I curated these resources especially for you. <3

ON THE CONNECTION BETWEEN STRESS & ILLNESS

• Read: The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Mate examines the impact of trauma and stress and the pressures of modern-day living on our bodies and minds.

• Listen: Dr. Gabor Mate on Elise Loehnen’s Pulling the Thread podcast.

ON INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS

• Read: No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz explores how honoring and communicating with our parts changes or approach to mental wellness. IMO this is a very transformative yet accessible book!

• Learn/Meditate: My friend Ash Moraca created a wonderful spiritual wellness app called Retreat and she just launched an in-depth module on Internal Family Systems. This new series thoughtfully combines meditation and educational content and is an accessible and relaxing intro to IFS. You can check it out with their 7-day free trial and use the code WITHIN for 25% off their monthly or annual subscription, redeemable online.

💥 We’re not really about Forbes 30u30 over here. We’re shining a light on the founders and coaches building from the heart and keeping it real.

Today I’d love to introduce you to one of my personal expanders, Tracy Lawrence, who is a venture-backed founder turned executive coach and facilitator at Downshift, a “decelerator” for high performers in transition. I first discovered Tracy from this deep and thoughtful interview she did on the topic of founder burnout and healing, back in November 2023 (right after I’d burned out and was going through some pretty heavy stuff).

Having suffered from both burnout and long COVID, Tracy is familiar with chronic stress and illness, and how to heal from them. Here is an excerpt I loved from a recent newsletter she wrote on Breaking the Cycle of Overwork with Small Acts of Kindness. 

“I encourage you to find small acts of micro-kindness to yourself. Maybe it’s a nap, a walk, or simply taking a deep breath. If you’ve pushed off exercise to work, can you schedule time for a walk or the gym and put it in your calendar? Even the smallest acts of self-compassion can ripple into greater ease. 

The small acts are the practice rounds to build up to larger acts of self-love. It’s not a fair expectation that you can go from working 10 hours a day to making space for vacation, but the smaller steps down are your training grounds.

For me, and many high achievers I know, the pendulum has swung too far toward achievement and efficiency. We need a correction. This correction might reduce output slightly, but it also reduces anxiety significantly. Which ultimately allows us to focus and work with more ease.”

• 1:1 Coaching: If you want to feel more aligned and less burnt out, you can book a 30-minute consultation to explore working with me.

• Let’s be friends: If you want to see the BTS of me building Within and receive more tips and ideas on building with integrity, connect with me on LinkedIn and Instagram.

This newsletter is new and always changing so all feedback is welcome and very much encouraged! Topics? Format? Length? I wanna know what you think! 🙏

Thanks for being here and congrats on doing something for yourself today.

Appreciate you,
Roslyn 💚