👋 Hi my name is Roslyn, I’m a founder and executive coach. I help purpose-led founders scale their impact without burning out. Learn about working 1:1 here.

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Hi there,

What would feel like fun today? 

That’s a question I’ve been asking myself recently when I’m feeling stuck.

When I find myself defaulting to “executing on my roadmap”, going down the to-do list like a robot, and feeling my energy slowly but sure draining out of me until I want to do is curl up on my couch and watch reality tv.

I ask myself what would feel fun instead. And I give myself permission to spend a little time on that. Often it’s actually just what my business needed. (And also what my soul needs.)

Maybe it’s giving myself permission to cancel a planned task and allowing a more aligned piece of content to flow through. 

Or giving myself time to brainstorm and think creatively about new ways to support my clients.

Last week I cancelled my morning task and worked on creating a visual invitation to a beta community I want to experiment with. It wasn’t on my to-do list but I’m trying to shift from controlling the outcome through measured actions, into allowing my intuition to guide and seeing what comes of it.

So give a try. What would feel fun? What would feel creative? What would make you feel energized and alive today?

You don’t need to cancel your day, but just try taking 30 minutes to do that activity and see what happens. 

--

Today I want to go deep on what we can do when we get stuck in a negative story spiral.

We’ll cover:

• How the emotions we’re avoiding are the ones we end up inviting in

• How to process difficult emotions

• How we can change our fundraising story through mindset work

I’m writing about it in the context of a fundraise process, but you can apply it to any tough moment or period in your business or life.

Where we go deep on the outer work or the inner work of building a startup.

What To Do When You’re Stuck in a Negativity Spiral

THE EFFECT OF LIMITING BELIEFS AND UNPROCESSED EMOTIONS

The middle of a fundraising process where momentum slows, you get a long streak of no’s, and hope starts slipping away… it can be a really low, despairing place. 

It can be very easy to start to doubt yourself and your company. To start to believe that what you’ve set out to do is not possible. To spiral into all the ways you might fail.

The thing that’s tough is the stories that we allow ourselves to believe, and the emotions that we try to avoid, can quickly become our reality if we’re not careful. 

For example, if we believe stories like:

• “Investors don’t believe in people like me”

• “I’ll never be able to fill this round” or

• “My company isn’t good enough”

…then we probably feel frustrated, discouraged, and disappointed. 

If we dig a little deeper maybe we feel fear, of feeling rejected, inadequate, deficient, or ashamed. 

When we leave those emotions unprocessed, stuffing them down further, they subconsciously influence our behaviors. 

They wreak havoc on our nervous systems, causing us to show up to investor meetings shaky and insecure, instead of embodying confidence.

We put on the mask we think we need to wear to get funding, over performing and posturing instead of leaning into our authentic energy and story.

We armor up and judge the investors themselves, subconsciously trying to reject them before they can reject us. 

Investors sense the resistance, the closed off energy, the insecurity. As a result they don’t invest. 

And then our story becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

The emotions we were trying to avoid in the first place — inadequacy, shame, sadness, hopelessness — become the ones we inadvertently invite in instead.

So what can we do to interrupt this pattern? 

How can we process our emotions and shift our limiting beliefs BEFORE they’re able to influence the way we show up?

STEP 1: PROCESS YOUR EMOTIONS

If you don’t want your emotions to get stuffed down where they subconsciously influence your behavior, try to feel them and process them and in doing so, free yourself.

Here’s how.

When something happens that causes you to feel a tough emotion — a rejection from a dream investor, a string of no’s, tough feedback from a customer, your best employee leaving…

First find a safe place where you can allow yourself to experience your emotions uninterrupted. 

Slowly take in your surroundings, allowing yourself to notice objects, sounds, smells and things you can touch that make you feel safe and supported (like a supportive chair, artwork on the wall, ambient sounds).

1. Allow yourself to feel your emotions

Give yourself permission to feel the emotion. 

Naming and allowing your emotions helps them move through you, rather than getting stuck and influencing your behavior in subtle ways later on. 

First, acknowledge the truth of what you’re feeling and experiencing. 

Is it disappointment, doubt, frustration, sadness, despair, anger, shame? 

Where do you feel this sensation in your body? Do you feel your throat closing up? A pit in your stomach? A heaviness, numbness or tightness anywhere? 

If it feels okay, just allow yourself to feel and be with that emotion for a moment.

2. Give yourself self-compassion

Breathe mindfully into the part of your body that is holding your emotion, maybe placing a hand over that body part. There’s no pressure to fix or change anything.

Be gentle and kind with yourself like you would with a small child. 

Send loving tenderness to your inner child and allow them to share their uncensored thoughts and feelings with you. Listen with non-judgmental compassion and acceptance.

If you feel tears coming, allow them to flow. Whatever you’re experiencing in your body, emotions and mind is perfectly welcome.

Acknowledge what your inner child is going through and just be there for them. You can say things like:

• “I can see how hard this is for you and I want you to know I’m here.”

• “I can imagine this really hurts.”

• “I love you just the way you are, I’m not going to try to change you at all. It’s okay and perfectly understandable to feel this way.”

Stay with that inner child part of you, offering them loving kindness. Notice how the sensations in your body may start to dissipate or move as you offer your inner child loving presence and understanding.

If things don’t ease up and the emotions continue to feel really hard you can gently bring yourself back to the present by noticing the things in your surroundings that make you feel safe.

3. Support yourself 

Ask yourself what you need right now in order to feel safe and supported. What would feel good right now? 

Maybe it’s a walk outside, reaching out to a friend or mentor, a hug from a loved one or cuddle with a pet. 

It’s possible it would also feel good to move this emotion out through your body. For example, you could try a kickboxing class for anger, a run or power walk for fear and restlessness, or a yin/restorative yoga class for sadness.

4. Ask questions that help you see past this moment.

Once you’ve given space to your emotions and are feeling safe, zoom out from the event that caused the hard emotion and reframe.

• What is this event making space for?

• How is this happening for me rather than to me?

• What might be on its way that’s even better?

• What can I learn from this?

• How do I want to move forward?

These expansive questions help you step into possibility and stay connected to your bigger vision, even if the path feels uncertain.

I know it may be tempting to skip to #4, but going through steps #1-3 is what’s going to allow you to free yourself from the emotion enough to truly embody the possibility of these new perspectives.

STEP 2: REWRITE YOUR FUNDRAISING STORY

If you’re finding yourself deeply believing a limiting belief that you know is not supporting you, the Work of Byron Katie can be a great tool. It operates in part by dismantling our existing neural wiring and promoting the formation of new neural pathways.

It’s designed to help us understand how a certain thought, belief or story is affecting us, and it introduces the real possibility of alternate stories we can choose to believe instead. 

One thing I want to mention before I get into this though tool, is that if your nervous system is in an activated state, this tool won’t be as helpful. 

If you feel like you’re in a fight, flight, freeze or fawn state (more on what that looks like here), start with processing and feeling the emotions, or trying practices to regulate your nervous system first. I talk about that in this newsletter. 

Once you feel your nervous system is in a regulated place, you can use The Work as follows.

1. IDENTIFY YOUR LIMITING BELIEF

What’s the story you’re telling yourself that’s making you feel so stressed out, angry, scared, anxious? A few common ones I’ve seen in a fundraising context are:

• “My company isn’t good enough / not growing fast enough”

• “If I don’t fundraise my company will die” 

• “Investors don’t invest in people like me”

For this exercise you’ll want to frame up the painful thought by distilling it into a simple declarative sentence, omitting your emotional state and any qualifiers.

For example:

“I don’t feel I’m qualified to raise capital” → “I’m not qualified to raise capital”. 

2. ANCHOR INTO THE SITUATION

Think about a recent situation when you experienced having the stressful thought you identified. This will allow you to access your feelings and behaviors more readily as you go through The Work. 

Last week, after coming out of a meeting with an investor that didn’t go well, I had the thought “I’m not qualified to raise capital”.

3. INQUIRY

The Work of Byron Katie consists of four very specific questions asked in a particular order. 

I’ll use my example to illustrate how this works in italics.

1. Is it true? (yes or no - if no, skip to question 3)

Yes (it does feel true to me in this moment).

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (yes or no)

No.

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 

3a. What physical sensations and emotions do you notice, when you believe that thought?

I feel shame, anxiety and inadequacy. I feel a pit in my stomach and a weight on my chest.

3b. How do you treat the others in that situation when you believe that thought (the situation, the other person, the goal)?

I have less conviction and magnetism in investor meetings. 

I overcompensate by trying to sell the company instead of actively listening to what investors are enthusiastic and curious about.

I come across as prickly, closed off, and rigid because I feel like they're judging me or doubting me.

3c. How do you treat yourself in that situation when you believe that thought?

I self-sabotage by not giving myself the time and space to calm myself down before investor meetings so I go in feeling overwhelmed and anxious. 

I beat myself up for not answering investor questions as well as I could’ve. 

When the investor passes, I blame myself, instead of considering that maybe it’s just not a fit on either side.

I put all the power in their hands instead of thinking that investing in my company is a privilege.

4: Who would you be in that same situation, without the thought?

4a. What physical sensations and emotions do you notice, there in that situation, without the thought?

I feel hopeful, optimistic, relaxed, happy. My body is lighter, my breaths are deeper, my limbs feel lighter. 

4b. How do you treat the others in that situation without that thought (the situation, the other person, the goal)? 

I treat investors with warmth, openness, excitement and gratitude. 

I respond to their questions with a mix of self-assuredness, conviction in my company, humility when I don’t know the answer, and curiosity when they offer constructive feedback.

4c. How do you treat yourself in that situation without that thought?

I’m less self-critical.

I see mistakes as opportunities to learn and get better.

I don’t see constructive feedback as a criticism of myself or my company, but as a new perspective to potentially integrate.

4. THE TURNAROUNDS

Turnarounds are the opposite versions of the original thought that offer different perspectives on the stressful situation. They invite us to try out new thoughts and to open our minds to new possibilities.

There are three types of turnarounds:

• Turnaround to the opposite

• Turnaround to the other

• Turnaround to the self

Once we find a turnaround, we then look for three pieces of evidence to support that the turnaround could be as true or more true than the original thought.

Turnaround to the Opposite

In order to turn a thought around to its direct opposite, simply change a positive statement to a negative statement or a negative statement to a positive statement. 

I’m not qualified to raise capital → I am qualified to raise capital

3 pieces of evidence that support this:

• I’ve been running my business for two years, I have loyal customers, it’s profitable and growing. 

• There are no qualifications for raising capital. Plenty of people without specific degrees or experience have raised capital. I know it’s more about my vision and ability to execute than any kind of external qualification

• I already have funds committed, which means there are investors that believe in me.

Turnaround to the Other

Turning a thought around to the other most often involves reversing or switching the subject and the object in the sentence. 

For example:

I’m not qualified to raise capital → Capital isn’t qualified to raise me

At first this may seem a little funky, but let’s get creative and play with it. One way I might interpret this is “capital isn’t qualified to raise me up or to raise my business up”.

3 pieces of evidence that support this:

• For “capital isn’t qualified to raise my business up”: 

  • Some sources of capital aren’t qualified or appropriate for my business. Ultimately I get the final say on which types of investment and which investors go on my cap table. If someone doesn’t feel like the right fit or like they’ll add value in the way I’m hoping, I equally have the power to say no.

  • Ultimately it’s not the role of capital to raise up my business. I’ve already done that through building a great product and developing traction. I have the ability to raise that traction up myself. Capital is just a tool to help me get there faster. 

• For “capital isn’t qualified to raise me up”

  • Raising capital doesn’t make or break me. I have conviction in my vision and I can make this a success with or without capital. 

Turnaround to the Self

Turning a thought around to the self is most often accomplished by simply making the sentence an “I sentence”. When the thought is already self-referential, try substituting “my thinking or “my thoughts” for the subject. 

For example:

I’m not qualified to raise capital → I’m not qualified to raise me 

Again, this one isn’t obvious at first but we can get creative with the interpretation. 

3 pieces of evidence that support this:

• I’m not feeling confident to raise myself up as a leader and visionary, which means I’m subconsciously shutting down opportunities before investors can. 

• I can think of times when I’ve shut myself down in the past with my own inner criticisms instead of self-belief. I know that repeating that dynamic isn’t supportive of fundraising.

• I haven’t been the “inner parent” that the parts of me that are scared need (in effect I’m not “raising” my inner children in a way that’s loving and productive). Instead of criticizing myself for not being qualified enough, I can reassure my inner parts that are scared, that they are enough and that they can trust me as a leader.

These three turnarounds allow us to see other possible stories and to start to loosen the neural pathways to the thought that’s stressing us out the most. 

Next time you’re experiencing hard emotions or disempowering stories about your raise (or any other difficult event or period), see what stories or limiting beliefs might be fueling those emotions. 

Give “Step #1 Processing your Emotions” and “#2 Rewrite Your story” a try and please reply and let me know how it goes!

This is the inner work that’s going to free you up to take meaningful aligned action toward your vision.

When you’re feeling stuck in a negativity spriral mid-fundraise, try some of these prompts for exploring more empowering possibilities.

1. Where am I seeing signs of traction, even if small?

2. What positive signals or feedback have I gotten from investors so far?

3. What synchronicities or lucky breaks have happened that I might be overlooking?

4. What would it look like if this raise flowed with ease and alignment?

5. If the “right check” came in today, what would be different about how I’d show up?

6. What makes me and this company magnetic to aligned capital?

7. Where am I already operating from abundance, trust, or vision today?

8. What would it look like to trust that what I’m building is worthy of support—right now?

LISTEN

• To this podcast episode that explains this idea of the emotion we’re avoiding, is what we end up inviting in.

  • It’s from The Art of Accomplishment podcast by Joe Hudson, a business coach I admire. I learn something great from every episode.

LEARN

• I’m currently doing To Be Magnetic’s Money Challenge right now and I actually think it could be really helpful for someone who’s fundraising. It supports you with aligning your desired outcome to a deeper why, and discovering and unblocking the limiting beliefs that might be getting in your way of success.

  • If you’re not sure you want to commit, you can check out their podcast first.

READ

• This article on writing investor updates is not related specifically to the deep dive, but it is related to fundraising and I think it’s excellent advice.

Are you’re currently fundraising and feeling overwhelmed by the weight of tasks, emotions and decisions that come with it?

Coaching can help you stay grounded, supported and connected to your power through the highs and lows of the process.

Here are the areas I support founders who are fundraising with 1:1 coaching:

• Clarifying your vision and messaging to help you pitch with confidence and magnetism

• Developing a fundraising plan and reviewing fundraising materials so you start with a strong foundation

• Discovering and challenging limiting beliefs and stories keeping you stuck

• Holding a safe space to process the difficult emotions so you can proceed with aligned action

• Helping you stay connected to your power and values

• Holding structure and accountability that support your positive momentum

I know how challenging fundraising can be — mentally, emotionally, spiritually — and would love to provide you with a supportive container to navigate it all.

If you’d like to learn more, you can book a call with me here.

As always, thank you for being a part of this community.

With love,
Roslyn 💚